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I saw a few of these online and didn’t agree with any of them. I took it upon myself to make my own. My explanations follow. Your bullshit complaints will follow that.

LG: Dogs. They follow rules without ever questioning them, and they’re annoyingly sweet. Lawful good is always annoying.

NG: Hamsters. They’re largely chaotic, but they like their hamster wheels and other routines. They’re also never mean.

CG: Weasels. These creatures cannot be contained, but they’re always cool. Unless you’re a rabbit.

LN: Cow. Cows also follow the rules without question, and that’s the extent of their entire philosophy of life.

N: Goldfish. Too stupid for anything else. If you want something smarter, I’ll stick a human in there. Be careful what you wish for, disphit.

CN: Cat. I’ve seen dog lovers characterize them as chaotic evil. That’s only because those low-ego fools can’t handle anything but unearned and unquestioned loyalty. Any independent thought on the part of the pet is considered “evil.” The truth is that cats randomly alternate between sweet and mean, but always have an air of IDGAF.

LE: Ants. The colony will eat you, but always by the book.

NE: Rat. You have a rat as a pet? WTF you thinking? I hope you get the plague.

CE: Honey badger. These guys are like cats, but are never sweet.

Final answer.

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