Mr. Rourke Had a Fantasy Too @StarTrek #StarTrek #FantasyIsland

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Sundays are now lazy days for me. Going forward, I’m just going to re-post other people’s work or just do something silly. Today, it’s a preview for tomorrow’s post. You see, Mr. Rourke had a fantasy too.

Please. It’s Kirk. Even Mr. Rourke couldn’t pull off that feat.

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Swapping Kirks via Deepfake @WilliamShatner #StarTrek #Deepfake

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Sundays are now lazy days for me. Going forward, I’m just going to re-post other people’s work or just do something silly. Today, it’s using Deepfake to swap the Original Series actors into 2009+ Star Trek.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part X. Viewing Notes on Star Trek X: Nemesis. @SirPatStew @DinaMeyer @StarTrek @CBSAllAccess #StarTrek #movie

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We end this series on CBS All Access with this movie, otherwise known as Star Trek X: The Search for Data. I’ve written about this one before. It’s one of my entries in my Guilty Pleasures series.

I love this intro, especially the music.

How convenient that tharalon radiation is green. The Romulan Empire has always been assigned a green motif.

Oh, crap. Denna Troi is going to cry again.

Considering that Romulan ale is illegal, it sure pops up a lot among Federation personnel.

I guess Worf has been studying up on ancient Earth composers since the last mission.

Worf is a prude.

“You have the bridge . . . Mr. Troi.”

Why didn’t they catch shit for this line?

I feel for Picard here. I plan to buy a Jeep Wrangler next month.

We’re within several kilometers of the signals.

That’s not very precise.

It appears that B-4’s clothing is actually a part of him rather than something he wears.

Suddenly they can pinpoint the signal to within a few meters?

There’s no way that jeep would make that jump. It’s too far.

So much for the Prime Directive.

The Enterprise is always the closest ship.

There’s no way the Federation flagship goes to Romulus unescorted. Many episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation made mention of how the Romulans were going to capture the Enterprise and dismantle it to learn its technological secrets. Going in alone seems naive.

So Data no longer uses his emotion chip?

Considering how strong B-4 is, it was rather reckless to assemble him. They didn’t need him to be assembled in order to speak with him.

They’ve been waiting for 17 hours? That seems like a waste of time, and not just for the Enterprise. As we eventually see (SPOILER ALERT!), Shinzon is in a time crunch.

Is Ron Perlman in every movie?

It’s not dark enough that Picard shouldn’t already recognize Shinzon.

They should have known he was evil the second they saw he was Bane.

Was Picard always bald?

The busted lip and crooked teeth are a nice touch. They’re subtle and non-distracting, yet hint that he’s lived a rough life.

Oh, Dina Meyer. Even as a Romulan . . . .

The Romulans must be thinking, “Out of the frying pan; into the fire.” That’s assuming they fry food. Who knows?

Picard’s clone was intended to be the perfect nemesis (get it?!) for Picard in order to relive the magic of the Wrath of Khan. They didn’t quite achieve that. Shinzon’s statement of motivation later in the film isn’t as convincing.

When I saw this dinner scene, I knew Tom Hardy would be something special.

Shinzon’s backstory is some kind of rough.

A Starfleet captain standing in the Romulan Senate!

Well, only Nixon could go to China.

This scene with Picard and Crusher in the ready room reminds me of a strange, human (American?) custom. We often sit on desks. Think about how rude that is.

Boom-chicka-wow-wow.

The whole psychic sex thing is stupid. What was the point? Was it just a set up to explain (SPOILER ALERT!) how they eventually pierce the cloak? All that dumb for just a single photon torpedo. Why not use what they did in Star Trek VI?

So Shinzon also prefers hot tea. Does that mean genetics determines what you drink. Am I a Picard?

Worf! Shields up!

Because you don’t want there to be any chance of getting Picard back? No wonder you haven’t gotten a command yet, Riker. Someone inform Starfleet command before he takes command of the Titan!

I always noted that for a Reman, no/stop was accompanied by the color purple, and okay/yes by the color yellow (unlike humans, that use red and green). Of course you should expect those differences to exist from culture to culture, but not all shows appreciate that kind of detail.

Picard gets to pilot another vehicle unsafely.

Good thing those hallways are Original Series level of stupidly big. Otherwise, they could never have flown that ship through the hallways.

Leave it to Dina Meyer to be the ethical Romulan.

I guess it makes sense that a Romulan ship can now fire while cloaked, but that’s a big ship expending huge amounts of energy on weapons and shields.

Dina Meyer to the rescue! “You heard the lady! Let’s get to work!” She should have returned in Picard.

Now that Shinzon is in the final stages of his genetic breakdown, his complexion is now identical to that of a Reman.

The Scimitar’s bridge has even more wasted space than the hallways.

*sigh* Here we go. We have to give Riker his moment of glory. I never liked the character.

What the hell? A character that never had a speaking role and we’d never seen before this movie gets killed off? I never saw that coming. The poor guy doesn’t even have a picture on IMDB.com. Here you go, buddy.

Recognition!

Ramming speed! Everyone talks about it; only Picard has ever actually done it, and it was pretty cool. The look of confusion on the Reman helmsman’s face at 1:28:33 was priceless.

I have a lot of respect for psychologists, but the day one is put in command of a naval vessel is the day that navy loses the war.

Why doesn’t Data use his super-strength to screw with the ship’s arms. According to Geordi’s analysis, mess up just one arm, and the thalaron weapon may not work.

I’ve seen people on social media ask, “Do you think you could beat up your younger self?” Picard gets to find out, though he has an added advantage. Shinzon is a bit sick.

I don’t buy Shinzon’s death here. He could just stop running forward and not get stabbed. Plus, that bar had a blunt end. It wouldn’t have stabbed him. Maybe it would have busted a rib or something.

Like Khan, Shinzon assumes he’s killed his nemesis (get it?!). He dies before he realizes that Picard escapes.

On screen.

Ha!

Oh, is Deanna going to cry ag…. Yep. There it is.

Data was trying to whistle, Pop Goes the Weasel, dipshit. I hate Riker.

Wait. Why is Worf still on the ship? Why isn’t he on his way back to Deep Space 9? Is the Enterprise just going to drop him off like a taxi? I think they have actual space taxis for that.

I also like the ending music that segues into the Original Series theme, and then ending with the Next Generation theme.

Maybe they should have done the same signature thing that they did with the end of The Undiscovered Country. If Avengers: Endgame could steal it, why couldn’t Star Trek steal it from themselves? It seems the appropriate thing to do.

And that concludes my viewing notes for Star Trek X: The Search for Data.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part IX. Viewing Notes on Star Trek IX: Insurrection. @SirPatStew @StarTrek @Hulu #StarTrek #movie

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And now we’re back to Hulu. I’m going to do my best to be kind to this one. It’s easily my least favorite Star Trek film, but like Iron Man 2 in the MCU, that still means it’s good enough.

Didn’t they already do this episode?

Data shouldn’t have lost control like this, but sometimes the writers don’t know how else to get the story started.

Does this personal cloaking technology, which we’ve never seen before despite its incredible usefulness, violate the treat with the Romulans?

She’s a super freak! Super freak! She’s super freaky! Yow!

It doesn’t seem like this medical procedure uses any anesthetics.

We know that Troi and Riker get married in the next movie. Is the basis of their rekindled relationship the effect of the Briar Patch? It certainly appears so (despite Worf’s later save).

Another excuse for Patrick Stewart to sing. 😐 Anyway, why should Worf, a Klingon, be expected to know who Gilbert and Sullivan are?

If the away team is going to draw phasers the moment you they arrive, why aren’t they drawn before they beam down?

Boom-chicka-wow-wow! Doc Ock wouldn’t be pleased with Picard honing in on his wife.

Admirals really like to hang up on people. Hold on. Do you kids even know what “hang up” means?

What I need I can’t get from Dr. Crusher.

Don’t be so sure, Riker.

Why does that caterpillar have humanoid eyes?

If she really couldn’t swim, she’d be dead already.

The Briar Patch gets Geordi new eyes and everyone else laid. Except Worf. He gets a pimple.

Apprenticing for 30 years seems tedious. Besides, nothing takes that long to become a professional. For example, it doesn’t matter how far engineering progresses, you still need no more than a four-year degree to reach the minimum level to be a professional.

In 300 years, you never learned how to swim.

Exactly my thought.

Boom-chicka-wow-wow!

We are betraying the principles on which the Federation was founded.

No, actually, you aren’t. As Admiral Dougherty points out, the Prime Directive doesn’t apply. Picard engages in some Captain America-level of naïve bullshit. If one person (Vision) is willing to sacrifice himself for trillions of lives, you let him. Same thing here. I don’t know exactly where the line is drawn, but trading the (unnatural) convenience of 600 for the health of billions is a fair trade, especially where the 600 settled on a world that was already Federation property. “But . . . but . . . but the kid and his caterpillar!” He’ll get over it, and so should you. Sure, the script turns the Son’a into murderers, but that’s so you can see them as the bad guys and justify some silly “principles.”

No, seriously. How the hell are you doing that? A time stop spell? It makes no sense.

I’ll be in engineering.

Why weren’t you there in the first place, Geordi. Haven’t you been chief engineer since season 2 of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Why are you at navigation?

If the ensign isn’t good enough to work navigation, he should be at navigation on the Federation’s flagship. The captain shouldn’t do everything. Maybe Riker would be a captain by now if he understood that.

And now he’s using a joystick to run the entire ship. Is there any doubt as to why this is my least favorite Star Trek movie?

So, the kid runs back to find his caterpillar thing, and not a single adult stops him?

Why would a medical chair have a locking mechanism on it? When I was younger, I was told to sit on my hands during a medical procedure, but that’s the only constraint I’ve ever had that I recall.

So, the Captain’s chair on a Son’a ship is a gaudy, 1970s couch?

Good trick to fool the Son’a.

This is F. Murray Abraham’s “Khaaaaan” moment.

But I have 318 days of shore leave coming, and I intend to use them.

With whom, Picard? Anij? Nella? Vash? Until we have resolution for any of these relationships, I’m assuming each one gets 106 days with him. Maybe 104. He probably needs some alone time on his vacation.

Wait a second. I don’t think Picard actually had sex with Anji. Bummer for him.

Damn, that was a weak entry in the series.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part VIII. Viewing Notes on Star Trek VIII: First Contact. @SirPatStew @StarTrek @CBSAllAccess #StarTrek #movie

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Still on CBS All Access for this one.

Hey, Locutus. Once a Borg, always a Borg.

New ship; new outfits.

Double dream sequences are stupid.

Finally, some Romulan . . . . Oh. No. It’s just a reference to their existence. No Romulan threats in this one either. When am I going to get my damn Romulans?!?! (In two days, actually.)

If Starfleet sees Picard as a potential ally to the Borg, then why is he still captain of the most important ship in the fleet?

Considering the urgency, Data’s delivery of “to Hell with our orders” was too slow.

Despite not being able to act drunk (neither could Marina Sirtis), James Cromwell played a great version of Zefram Cochrane. Sometimes history forgets the bad parts of a character, remembering only the good parts. Some think that’s a bad thing; I don’t. However, I believe we should remember that these heroes of history were ultimately just humans. They were as flawed as the rest of us.

The Enterprise’s internal sensors suck. How did they not know the Borg transported over?

The song playing in the bar is stupid.

Alfre Woodard can’t play a “tough guy.” It’s just not believable.

And you people, you’re all . . . astronauts. On some kind of star trek.

The idea of a Borg queen completely undoes the meaning of the Borg. It didn’t ruin things for me — not even close — but I didn’t like it.

And now we’re back to not having money in the 24th century. Amazing how that goes back and forth.

Phasers don’t work, but a tommy gun does.

“Taking a leak” has lost all meaning. Nice touch.

I liked how the script had somewhere to go after Data installed the emotion chip, focusing on touch. And the callback to Data’s line to Tasha Yar before bumping uglies was a good bit of nostalgia. However, I didn’t need to see robots making out. Not hot.

Stunning may not hurt, but the fall you take after being stunned probably does. You could also drown if you wind up face first in a creek.

Worf saves the day!

Who the hell has Moby Dick memorized? I’m sure some people do. I know a part of Rime of the Ancient Mariner that’s just as long because I listen to Iron Maiden, but if someone randomly mentioned a book, I wouldn’t be able to quote it. Picard’s knowledge base was always unrealistically broad. He also speaks fluent Latin. I call bullshit.

There we go. Magic Carpet Ride is a better choice of music.

Data and the Borg Queen Totally Had Sex and 6 Other Things We Learned From  Jonathan Frakes' Star Trek: First Contact Commentary - IGN
Data didn’t turn evil? I did not see that coming!

It would have sucked if the Phoenix had just blown up due to faulty design.

I doubt Picard could have torn the queen’s spine in two. It’s probably too durable.

How does the queen’s death matter if she isn’t really dead?

The TV series Enterprise had a better version of the First Contact scene. 😊

According to the Entropy Effect, Vulcans don’t like to shake hands.

Overall, this movie seems to be a bit overrated. It wasn’t bad by any stretch, but it was nothing more than the best of the Next Generation crew’s films. For me, that places it behind most of Kirk’s films. I do like the soundtrack, but I like all the Star Trek soundtracks, so that’s a low bar.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part VII. Viewing Notes on Star Trek VII: Generations. @SirPatStew @WilliamShatner @StarTrek @CBSAllAccess #StarTrek #movie

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For the start of the Next Generation movies, we return to CBS All Access for a couple films (with my usual Sunday distraction in between), bounce back to Hulu, and then end at CBS. I’m writing this on September 8, the day the new trailer for Star Trek: Discovery, season 3 dropped. I’m looking forward to some more new Star Trek, but here’s some more of the old to get me ready.

The Old (and Older) Crew

Even in slow motion, the champaign bottle took an awful long time to hit the ship. Without an atmosphere or severe gravity to alter its course, that at least makes sense.

Oh, it’s an Excelsior class ship! Of course!

Chekov and Scotty were originally supposed to be Spock and McCoy. Nimoy didn’t return (and allegedly turned down a chance to direct) because of script issues, and Kelley had health issues.

It wouldn’t be an Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm.

These silly callbacks — Sulu’s daughter, Chekov reminiscing about youth — are actually pretty good for an old timer like me.

The most important message to come away with from this movie is that the media never changes.

Captain Harriman seemed too green to be the captain of the Federation’s flagship. At least he knew he was out of his league and sought Kirk’s advice.

John Connor’s stepmom, Vasquez. I guess she was in the Navy after leaving the Marine Corps.
I knew Tuvok was a fake Vulcan!

Did Guinan always dress in silly hats?

Kirk was the best captain . . . until Anson Mount became Captain Pike. I guess we’ll see if that holds up. Mount has some big shoes to fill, but he seems like he’s going to.

The New Crew

The fake indignation isn’t funny to me. We get it. You’re not actually angry at Worf. Oh, hardy-har-har-har.

I hope there aren’t any sharks in that holodeck ocean.

I always had a thing for Gates McFadden.

In response to my claim that the Shatner is a “so bad it’s great” actor from my Star Trek V audio blog post, Kessel Junkie wrote a retort defending the Shatner’s acting chops. Either way, even he must admit that Sir Patrick is a better technical actor than the Shatner. In fact, he may be the best actor ever to appear in Star Trek.

Finally, we see some Romulans in a Star Trek movie! Oh, crap. They’re dead. Never mind.

Why is Data’s emotion chip so different from how it appeared in the tv show? This drives every Star Trek fan nuts. Not only is it an inconsistency, but it’s an unnecessary one. It’s appearance in the TV show was more realistic, and there was nothing “neat” about its new appearance (as with the Klingons).

It’s too dark on this ship. I wish someone would turn on the damn lights.

I liked Data’s introduction to emotions. It was, at times, overacting, but that makes sense considering what was happening.

Whenever I see a character pretend to talk but not make a sound, I’m always reminded that the Screen Actors Guild contracts dictate that without lines, the actor receives far less pay. Star Trek did that a lot to save money.

The special effects on Data’s face were basically the same we saw with Bilbo Baggins when he tried to take back the ring from Frodo. And they were just as unnecessary.

Damn, Sir Patrick can act.

I’d always heard that some of the actors playing the main characters doubled as Klingons. That rumor probably came from the fact that some background roles were played by the main cast’s stunt doubles. This explains why, for example, one of the Klingons looks like Levar Burton.

If Geordi was unconscious before he was transported, how was he standing when he arrived on the transporter pad? If he was lying down when transported, why not arrive lying down?

Human females are so repulsive.

It seems like a small class G-12 Bird of Prey shouldn’t be able to wreak so much havoc on a Galaxy class ship that can take them out with one photon torpedo, but okay.

Yes!

Why would a force field have a hole in it like that?

That teddy bear won’t survive the warp core breach.

Closing that hatch by repeatedly pumping a mechanical arm seems like very old tech.

Yup. There goes the teddy bear.

Oh, shit!

Soran is a lousy shot, and an even worse tactician. Just shoot a bunch of times to make sure you don’t miss. It’s not like he’s going to run out of ammunition for his disruptor, and collateral damage isn’t an issue.

No seatbelts? They’re far too reliant on inertial dampeners that never seem to work when they’re needed.

Without an epee or foil, Picard is useless in a fight. That’s why Riker had to go on all of those away missions instead.

Well, this scene hits home. But who the hell dresses like that at home? And why is Picard still in his Starfleet uniform.

That kid’s too old for a toy like that. My fellow nerds may not like that statement, so let’s try this: That kid is at an age where he’d see that toy as beneath him.

Who has a carousel in his home?

So, if Picard leaves the Nexus and prevents Soran from ever entering the Nexus, what happens to the Soran that’s in the Nexus? That’s not an “echo” of Soran; it’s actually Soran. If this is another multiple universe thing, then Picard doesn’t exit to his own universe, so every movie that follows is in another universe as well.

All you guys who think Picard is a better captain than Kirk, note well that Kirk is Picard’s hero.

Stop trying to rush things, Picard. Time has no meaning here, dipshit.

It’s my house. Or at least it used to be. I sold it years ago.

Sold it for what? I thought they didn’t have money in Kirk’s time. Didn’t the director see Star Trek IV, or did he limit himself to the Trouble with Tribbles? I guess they’ll go back to having no money in the next film.

It’s a good thing that door opened into the stable. That could have been awkward.

This isn’t your bedroom.
No, it’s not. Better.
Better?!

I’m with Picard on this one.

I bought the Generations soundtrack almost immediately after I saw the film. I love Jumping the Ravine, and many other tracks.

Oh, great. We’re in an alternate universe.

They reshot this fight scene because Kirk’s death was deemed too cheap for the test audience.

Seriously, Picard can’t fight for shit.

Good luck, Captain.
Call me Jim.

Picard’s reaction reinforces my position that he’s starstruck.

Hooray! Alternate universe Soran is dead! So is prime universe Riker, along with the rest of the prime universe Enterprise crew. What a happy ending.

Kirk’s Death is another musical piece that captures the scene perfectly, but I would not have buried him on that planet. Kirk deserved better. Picard has lost all points I’ve previously given him.

In most cases (e.g., Tony Stark in the MCU), I don’t want a character to be resurrected because it cheapens the loss in the prior script. Kirk’s an exception. I’d love it if Shatner would reprise his role. It’ll never happen, though.

Someone’s going to have to clean up that mess of a shipwreck.

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

I’m so glad Spot survived.

And one last musical piece I love from the soundtrack: To Live Forever.

And to close it out, an Oberth and a Miranda class ship complete the bridge between the old and new Star Trek. Nice touch.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part VI. Viewing Notes on Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. @WilliamShatner @StarTrek @Hulu #StarTrek #GuiltyPleasure #movie

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Another day; another Star Trek film. For an intellectual property that prides itself on continuity, there are a hell of a lot of logical errors in their scripts. Remember, I can criticize the things I love.

“For Gene Roddenberry” 😦

So, Sulu finally gets his command. I’d like to believe he hand-picked Janice Rand for her assignment, but I know that probably isn’t true. She was already assigned as of Star Trek III. However, according to the novelization for Star Trek III, Sulu was getting ready to take command of the Excelsior, so he may have picked that entire bridge crew.

I’d assume that they would have made a more durable form of teacup by now in much the same way they replaced polymers with transparent aluminum.

How many times are these guys going to come out of retirement.

None of this makes sense. The destruction of a single planet, even the home world, shouldn’t destroy a planetary government. Even assuming the Klingons fall in line, mothballing Starfleet would leave the Federation vulnerable to numerous other enemies.

Valeris was supposed to be Saavik, but Roddenberry was worried that turning the popular character into a traitor would anger some of her fans.

Am I the only one that interprets Spock’s approach to Valeris as, “Boy, if I were only 20 years younger”?

I still love the Klingon D-7 ship design.

Why is the Chancellor in a single, unescorted ship? Doesn’t that seem suspicious? There must be some (other) cloaked ships nearby.

Chang is an unusual name for a Klingon.

The objection to “inalienable rights” was stupid, and the universal translator should have assured that the correct meaning of “alien” was translated.

McCoy should understand Klingon anatomy.

Clarence “Red” Boddicker has come a long way since his days in Wisconsin and Los Angeles.

Seeing the Romulan ambassador ran a sore point into the ground. The Romulans were always my favorite Star Trek villains, and they were conspicuously left out of this entire series of Original Series movies, cloaking Klingon ships and references to Romulan ale notwithstanding. That’s such a shame.

That Klingon proposed attacking the Federation while the Federation President’s communication line was still open.

Christopher Plummer was great.

Klingon rules of evidence really suck. For example, if someone speculates, you’re not allowed to offer an alternative possibility because that would be unlawful speculation. What? That’s dumb.

If they throw people out of Rura Penthe from the main gate, and it’s cold enough to kill you in a minute or so, then there should be a lot of preserved bodies lying around.

Why is there a store of phasers in the kitchen?

So, all bats from Tiberia are vampiric? I didn’t know that.

That’s a strange place for genitals, but even if it makes sense, every species develops an instinct to protect them. This guy practically led with his knees. He might as well have had a “kick me” sign on them.

That’s right. Keep Christian Slater in the dark.

Is that a smile on Valeris’s face when she pins the gravity boot to the locker door?

Kirk was still wearing a “veridian patch” that allowed him to be tracked by Spock. Did they not search him before putting him in prison? Where are his prison clothes?

“I can’t believe I kissed you.”
“Must’ve been your lifelong ambition.”

Bravo, Shatner, for being able to make fun of yourself.

This is the first time I noticed that there was no segregation between men and women in crew’s quarters.

A forced mind meld raises all sorts of ethical issues. Those issues have been raised in Star Trek on a few occasions. Here, it seemed a trivial choice, though some seemed to appreciate the ethical dilemma as it unfolded.

More self-awareness from Shatner, but in character. He appreciates how his approach (rushing in) was too extreme and was well-balanced by Spock’s opposing approach (logic). The strength of society is that we are not homogeneous. I wish more of us understood that, as much as we frustrate each other, we need each other.

A lot of people are sweating profusely, both in space and on the ground.

All that Shakespeare is fitting for Christopher Plummer but overdone for General Chang.

It’s fitting that the dining room was blown to bits by one of Chang’s torpedoes.

For a missile focusing in on a stationary target, that torpedo sure took a weird route to get there.

The explosion of Chang’s ship is used again for the explosion of Lursa and B’etor’s ship in Star Trek Generations. As Kessel Junkie referenced yesterday, Generations was the last Star Trek film where they recycled footage from prior films.

They took the ridiculous slow clap and somehow made it even more ridiculous. John Shuck and those freaky, yellow aliens had weird ways of clapping.

It didn’t take long for the new Enterprise to be decommissioned.

Again, Spock understands colorful metaphors. Because this is essentially the end of the original crew’s tenure in the Star Trek universe, they ended with the casts’ signatures. Avengers: Endgame would later borrow that idea (along with all the others they borrowed).

I’m taking a break from this series (unless tomorrow’s post counts) to do some other things. I’ll get to the Next Generation era films soon enough.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part V. Viewing Notes on Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. @KesselJunkie @WilliamShatner @StarTrek @Hulu #StarTrek #GuiltyPleasure #movie

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Back to Hulu I go, and this time I’m doing something really different. This is my first audio blog post, and I’m joined by my cousin, Kessel Junkie, who I give so much grief on this blog. This is our running commentary on a movie that’s certainly a guilty pleasure for both of us. No one else seems to like it, but we both love it.

Cue up the movie when instructed if you want to watch it with us. Kessel has clearly done his research on this movie, which is unsurprising considering 1) his love of the movie, and 2) the fact that he has a degree in theater. As a Star Trek nut that was raised on the theater (Arena Stage), I should be just as knowledgeable about this movie, but I’m lazy.

Just one note. There’s a point where Kessel Junkie changes the subject on me, and I don’t quite pick up on it, so we wind up talking past one another. I get his point. There’s an apparent canon violation between an episode of the Animated Series and this movie. Both have the Enterprise visiting a planet at or near the center of the galaxy. Fortunately, he’s wrong. The Enterprise was thrown into an alternate universe, so the fact that “God” wasn’t there isn’t a canon violation. Interestingly enough, “Lucien” was originally supposed to be God, but the network nixed that. Enough about that. Enjoy the listen.

No, we’re not related at all.

Click here for the audio file. Note: This is just over two hours long, and if you pause it, note where you paused. Pausing it often requires you to refresh the page before continuing.

I hate my voice. You will too.

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References:
V’tosh ka’tur (Vulcans without logic)
Star Trek into Darkness: Sybok
Spreading It Too Thinly
Shazam v. Guardians of the Galaxy
Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part I
Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part II
Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part III
Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part IV

The Villains of Black Panther

Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part IV. Viewing Notes on Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. @kesseljunkie @StarTrek @CBSAllAccess #StarTrek #movie

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To date, the films I’ve watched in this series were on Hulu. Now I must jump to CBS All-Access for the Voyage Home. They went all in on trying to make this comedic without losing the importance of what makes Star Trek Star Trek. Whether they succeeded is for each of us to decide. Don’t ask my opinion; I’m a Star Trek apologist.

John Schuck played the Klingon ambassador. The first time I saw him was in a sitcom in the 70s, Holmes and Yoyo. He played a cop that was secretly an android. He occasionally malfunctioned, which was funny to a kid in elementary school but didn’t last long. If I recall correctly, it aired about a year after a show with the same premise started, only that show was a drama. Schuck has been a solid actor since 1969.

As I said before, I want to see V’Ger fight the whale probe. Both movies have the same basic premise. Human activity results in an alien probe coming to destroy the planet. Let’s see which of them

I always found it silly that cameras would make it appear as if a disabled ship was titling. Orientation is always relative to a reference point, and there’s no such point in deep space. But yeah, there are humans watching this movie, so I guess they must do that.

I think the pandemic has finally given me an understanding as to how Amanda Grayson must have felt living on Vulcan. I can’t hug, or even shake hands with, anyone. Neither could she.

I never liked time travel in movies. It always created stupid paradoxes. Avengers: Endgame did it right but raised the problem of multiple timelines that I also don’t like. It’s a burden to be me.

It took three seasons and four movies before we knew that Sulu was born in San Francisco. I’ve noted before that this is a good thing.

“It’s a miracle that these people got out of the 20th century.” Well, we did. Whether we can get out of the next century remains to be seen. I’m sure that’s a sentiment shared by every generation in every century.

“I’ll give you . . . $100.”
“Is that a lot?”

To a high school kid in 1986, yes, but not now; not even to a kindergartner.

Just what is the future? / The things we’ve done and said? / Let’s just push the button / We’d be better off dead / ‘Cause I hate you / And I berate you / And I can’t wait to get to you / The sins of all the fathers / Being dumped on us, the sons / The only choice we’re given is / “How many megatons?” / And I eschew you / And I say screw you! / And I hope you’re blue too / We’re all bloody worthless. . .

I miss my boombox. Not really, though.

“Colorful metaphors.”

If he could mind meld with the Horta, he could mind meld with a humpback whale.

Spock’s the only one that can get the colorful metaphors right. Kirk’s so bad at it that he thinks Spock isn’t.

“I have a photographic memory. I see words.” This is probably the dumbest line in all of Star Trek, and that’s a high bar to clear.

I think there’s a script continuity error here. Spock agrees to Italian food but doesn’t go to dinner.

According to the novelization, Dr. Nichols, the one that’s given the formula for transparent aluminum by Scotty, is the one that supposedly discovered it in the Star Trek timeline. Temporal paradox resolved! “How do we know he didn’t invent the thing?” Paradox restored.

Poor Madeline. She did nothing wrong.

Now I want pizza.

Kirk seems confused. I guess they don’t have beer in the 23rd century. They have various forms of liquor, so maybe he simply doesn’t like it.

I don’t think two whales could repopulate the species.

My uncle, also an avid Star Trek fan, had recently served on the USS Saratoga when this movie came out. The Enterprise in the movie was the USS Forrestal, which is of the same type as the Saratoga. This gave my uncle a nerdgasm.

Kirk got the entire pizza that Gillian paid for. Smooth move, Captain.

“Of course, he’s a Ruskie, but he’s a retard or something.” Even a movie like this doesn’t age well. There’s always something that will send people into a frenzy.

There was a painted sign on the wall of the ship during Chekov’s escape. It said, “Escape route,” and had an arrow pointing the way. I shit you not.

Wouldn’t the cloak bleed over into anything nearby? It wouldn’t be a perfect cloak outlining the ship.

Finally, those lessons in miming paid off!

Wouldn’t it be funny if they just flew right into the sun? Everyone dies, Earth is destroyed, and we won’t have to deal with Star Trek: Insurrection. Everyone wins!

I know it’s not real, but I don’t see how the Klingon Bird of Prey could possibly be expected to float.

The scene where Kirk attempts to save the whales is the first scene where I started holding my breath while watching a movie. I wanted to see if I could do what they did. It’s an unfair test due to the scene jumps, but I try anyway. It’s safe to say that most of the time these scenes are bullshit, especially considering how much physical exertion is involved. The first time I was able to do it was recent: The second Kingsmen movie. For the first time, I came close on this one watching it this time. I still drowned though.

Again with the orientation thing. Why would the probe go vertical when speaking to the whales? There’s no vertical up there, and its communication can clearly reach anyplace in line-of-sight regardless of orientation.

Ironically, filming these scenes was probably tough on the whales.

So, now we’re left with a nagging question: What happens when George and Gracie die? That probe will do another U-Turn, and Picard’s going to have a bad day. They better figure out how to meaningfully duplicate the whale’s language.

Reading of the charges: Nichelle Nichols doesn’t seem to give a shit.

This alien looks like a toy.

Mark Lenard was as good at playing a Vulcan as Leonard Nimoy was.

I mentioned something similar in the Star Trek III post. How the hell did they not know exactly what ship they were getting? How would you even hide the creation of the 1701-A? I know; I know. Drama.

The score is nonstandard for Star Trek, but I liked it. Kessel Junkie? Not so much.

Tune in tomorrow when Kessel Junkie joins me for my first audio blog, which discusses Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. That’s where the real fun begins.

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Travelling Through the Star Trek Universe, Part III. Viewing Notes on Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. @StarTrek @Hulu #StarTrek #movie

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This is an important movie to me. As always, I’m going to be vague about why. There was a time when, for better or worse (worse, really, but necessary), I asserted my “independence.” This movie was part of that in a strange way. I will say that this is the first movie I saw in the theaters because I got on a bus, rode up to the (now closed) Aspen Hill movie theater, and bought a ticket with my own money. Twice. So, this movie is really important to me for reasons that don’t apply to any of you. Nevertheless, based on everything I’ve heard, I couldn’t believe how good its numbers are. Though I’m not sure how “scientific” Rotten Tomatoes is, I’m certain our personal experiences are even less so, so I shouldn’t be too surprised. Here are my viewing notes.

This movie starts with such high hopes, having us relive the most heartbreaking loss in Star Trek history.

That cadet that wanted a ceremony was a dingbat.

Christopher Lloyd was awesome as Kruge, and as with the Reliant, it was cool to see a new type of Klingon ship.

Are the Klingons still using 8-track tapes?

Why would anyone deal with the Klingons knowing they kill anyone working with them? Oh, wait I know why. Because the script says so.

The existence of Spacedock was also a no-brainer, but it was still cool to see it. The Excelsior was even better. As I said in yesterday’s Wrath of Khan post (and just above), it was neat to see other ship designs that we know must exist. The Excelsior represented the future as far as we knew; same-but-different. Who cares if Scotty liked it? The FASA Star Trek RPG really scratched that itch, but there’s nothing like seeing it on the big screen.

Scotty learning of his new assignment wasn’t the last time Starfleet told personnel their new assignments in casual conversation.

Hey, I know that Klingon!

Was Maltz once a prosecutor for the Klingon Empire?

And here’s another one: The USS Grissom. Another same-but-different design.

David’s hatred for Kirk was intense in the novelization, but in the movie, his brief interaction was polite. None of his thoughts on the matter were explored because there wasn’t any time to do so. The same can be said for David’s romantic relationship with Saavik, which wasn’t even hinted at in this movie. I remember a scene where they were criticized for taking the risky move of holding hands while being transported. Even more, Saavik’s Romulan side came out in the book. She was ferocious when provoked.

Hey, I know that Klingon!

As I mentioned yesterday, the novelization of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan didn’t have the “remember” scene in it.

Admiral Morrow was a dope. How can he not understand “Vulcan mysticism”? He must have witnessed neck pinches and, more importantly, mind melds. Plus, his mustache sucks, though it could be worse.

The highlight of Allan Miller’s career.

“How many fingers do I have up.”
“It’s his revenge for all those arguments he lost.”
“Up your shaft.”

🙂

I remember an interview with Nichelle Nichols. She was initially disappointed in the size of her role. She thought it was too small but eventually was happy with it considering how important it was. The novelization went into her role much more deeply.

I hoped we’d see James B. Sikking again. The reason we didn’t is because Sulu took over as captain of the Excelsior. In fact, in the novel, he was already assigned to do so. As they were stealing the Enterprise, Sulu reflected on how he was throwing away that opportunity. This also explains why This brings up an anecdote. George Takei lobbied heavily for Sulu to become captain of his own ship. I remember Howard Stern making fun of him for it, saying, “You realize that Sulu becoming captain of another ship means you’re out of a job, right?” Takei stood firm. I guess it worked out. By the time he got the Excelsior, it was this crew’s final movie.

So, they find a young Spock. That raises an issue for me. When Spock’s consciousness goes back into his body, what happens to the personality of the new Spock. However briefly he existed, he’s a separate person. Is the new Spock wiped out, or are the two personalities merged? What are the ethical ramifications either way?

That Klingon dog was ridiculous.

“Range, 5,000 killicams.” Why? Why are they speaking entirely in English but use a Klingon unit of measurement? They’re speaking Klingon, of course, and we’re hearing what we would assuming there was a universal translator present. Wouldn’t the universal translator also translate the range into units we’d understand?

The conversation between Kirk and his son, David, was the most cordial David was regarding Kirk in the novel. Then David dies, and Saavik says, “Admiral, David is dead.” After that, she goes nuts and attacks the Klingons. This is what I was referring to when I said she was ferocious.

I was hoping Kirk would say, “No tricks once on board.” That would have been a good call out to the Original Series episode, Day of the Dove. That reminds me: Kang is currently running around somewhere in the Klingon Empire.

Beaming down to a dying planet was a risky plan.

Klingons are like the Drow in D&D. Their society and psyche could never work in the real world, but we overlook that because they’re cool. That is, if Klingon captains are so eager to die, you won’t have many qualified captains running around. Deep Space Nine pulled back on that a little bit, but perhaps not enough. They are cool though.

You know, Kirk left the remaining Klingons on the planet knowing they’d die.

The refusion scene had me thinking about Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Boy did that drag even though it really wasn’t that long. They wanted to give you the feeling that it took hours, but the verisimilitude was broken because no one left to pee. The same could be said about Spock wandering around in a confused state (except the peeing part). Overall, though, a good ending.

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