Walkers Sucks! @walkers_crisps #ripoff #stupid #contest #Walkers

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Here are stories about two different people who were ripped off.



TL;DR: Walkers makes potato crisps. They had a promotion where you could win a prize if you found a heart-shaped crisp in one of their bags. Everyone is supposed to carefully eat their crisps, pick out the heart-shaped ones, and one person with the best-shaped one would win the prize.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “They’re ‘chips,’ not ‘crisps’! And it’s called, ‘soccer’!” Yes, I know the Brits should all be blasted into space for all their egregious mangling of our language, but that’s not my current concern. These stories are probably not the only ones. This has probably happened to quite a few people, and even more that don’t realize they ate one. This was predictable, leading me to speculate they were hoping everyone would screw up and eat the heart-shaped chips so that Walkers never had to pay out the £100,000 ($120,183.50).

No, the chips don’t weigh 100,000 lbs. It’s just more English nonsense.

I, for one, would be pissed off if this happened to me. I could do a lot with that money.

Walkers should pay me $120,183.50 for this advertisement.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Walkers Crisps @walkers_crisps


Chicago Wins Either Way @ChicagoManual #food #language

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Sundays now are lazy days for me. I either post something silly or other people’s work. Usually both. Today, I’m finishing up my annual 6 day, 5-night trip to the Midwest (Ft. Wayne, IN) with dinner at Portillo’s, and that makes me miss Chicago even more. However, there’s always good reason to miss Chicago. They produce the best pizza and give the best linguistic advice.

Oh, and my friends. Yeah, they’re pretty good too.

Deal with it, haters.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow the Chicago Manual of Style @ChicagoManual

I Bought Myself a Christmas Gift #Christmas #holiday

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Okay, not really. How can it be a gift if the receiver paid for it? Because I’m both, it’s just me buying shit.

Yeah, I know.

But here it is!

It’s an overpriced tumbler (duh!) with ancient Egyptian imagery. As a mythology nut, I love imagery from ancient cultures, and this is some of the good stuff.

Doesn’t mean I can read it.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc

Culinary Disappointment @stelmo #food #work

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

I was in my local Harris Teeter grocery store the other day and something caught my eye.

Holy crap! St. Elmo’s is one of my favorite restaurants in the country, and one of the reasons is its renown cocktail sauce. This is . . . .

Wait a second! There’s no cocktail sauce here!

But that’s not all. I work with a title company, which is basically an insurance agent for insurance related to real property ownership. We have an underwriter, and they sent us holiday treats. However, very few of us were interested in anything beyond the one package of chocolate truffles.

It’s a lot of stuff, but this is representative of the majority of it:

Artichokes? Who are they? My mother? It is the kind of thing she’d torture me with, so that checks out.

This is where you say, “Awwwwwww. Poor Rob.”

First world problems.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow St. Elmo’s Steakhouse @stelmo

There Be Tacos Here! #food #taco #TacoTuesday

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

I will never apologize for a gratuitous Star Trek reference, however forced it may be.

Well, my post for this evening was accidentally scheduled for 6:30 am ET, so it went out before I got out of bed. No worries. I’m just throwing this one in as a follow up to provide proof of eating my first tacos in at least 17 years. That’s right. A patent issuing on the day I last had a taco has already expired.

I will never apologize for a gratuitous intellectual property law reference, however forced it may be.

But you need proof, so here it is.

When I saw the menu, the tacos were loaded with beef, so I didn’t think to order extra beef. What I got was rather light on the details. As a result, I had to eat some more when I got home.

But don’t worry (why would you even care?). The fact that these are from Taco BHell doesn’t guarantee that I’ll wait another 17 or so years before eating them again. Cheese will. Also, there’s one annoying thing about eating tacos that I had long forgotten: Take one bite, and the shell collapses. I had to shove them into my face, or everything would have fallen into my lap as I was eating. That’s a buzzkill because to me a taco isn’t a taco without crunch. If you eat soft tacos, there’s something wrong with you. Just eat a burrito or enchilada. There’s nothing wrong with that, but those aren’t tacos. Nothing with a soft shell is.

It bears repeating, but he’s wrong for including hard shell stuff.

I’ll still probably eat tacos before today’s patents expire, just not from Taco BHell.

And no, they’re not authentic Mexican food. Who cares, Francis?

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Taco Bell @tacobell

Tacos, Anyone? @tacobell #food #taco #TacoTuesday

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

I honestly can’t tell you the last time I had a taco. I can tell you the last time I tried. In 2004 or 2005, a bunch of us were flying to Miami for my older brother’s bachelor party in Key West. We made a stop on the way to the airport, and there was a Taco Bell nearby. A few of us were hungry, so we stopped in and ordered food. As the last one to order, I paid expecting everyone to pay me back. As soon as he found out I had paid for everything, my brother, being the asshole he is, said we were in a hurry, and if I didn’t leave right now, he’d leave me there. (I’m a picky eater, probably due to lingering childhood food allergies or pressure to eat, and my family would often use food to torture me as a child.) Tacos aside, deciding to go on the trip was my mistake. I should have said, “Okay,” and let him leave. But I didn’t. I acquiesced, and of course no one paid me back.

That clearly leaves a bad taste in my mouth (so to speak), but the reason I don’t eat tacos — or Mexican food generally — is because, other than mozzarella and parmesan, I hate cheese. As any cheese hater can tell you, an order requesting no cheese on something that usually has cheese rarely comes back as ordered. I have no problem peeling the cheese off of a turkey club, but if the food is hot, you can’t just peel away the cheese. As someone who hates to waste food or make a server’s life harder on them, I won’t order anything hot that generally comes with cheese. Ergo, if I go to a Mexican restaurant, the only thing I can order are fajitas. Even tamales, which I love (and recently had), tend to come with cheese even if the menu doesn’t mention it. Consequently, if I’m not in the mood for fajitas, Mexican food is out, but in any event, tacos are out.

It’s all the same, and it all has cheese.

So, here we are on Taco Tuesday at least 17 years since my last taco, and I’ve decided to break that fast. I’m having tacos for dinner, and I’ll probably go to Taco Bell. I’m a picky eater but not a snobby eater. What I hate, I won’t eat, and what I like, I like even if it’s low quality. Taco Bell is good enough for me.

. . . and I’m a lousy cook.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Taco Bell @tacobell

I’m a Food Critic Again! @Zaxbys #food #Zaxbys

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Well, I’m not so much criticizing the food as I am the service. I’m writing this on 4/5/2022. I’m on the carnivore diet this week, so this was as good a time as any to try out the Zaxbys in my new neighborhood. I knew this was fast food going into it, but I was told that it’s “good fast food,” so I didn’t expect to be terribly disappointed. Oh, well.

First off, I ordered it “for here.”

See an issue? Well, okay. That’s fine. It’s not as if this affected the quality of the food; however, it does show how much the staff bothers to get things right. Next, what’s missing?

I’ll give you a hint: There’s no fork. I had to “mama’s little piggy” this. Okay, not really. I just had to ask for one. It’s not as if this affected the quality of the food; however, it does show how much the staff bothers to get things right. Okay, last thing. Here’s my receipt.

Does the price seem reasonable? For 10 fast-food bites? Probably not, but I’ll tell you what makes it worse: That $2.59 drink? Water. I ordered water. And they charged me $2.59 for a water.

Sorry, not sorry, Zaxbys, but I have a crazy thing (as in “genuine psychological problem”) about first impressions. If you do me right the first time we meet, I’ve got your back forever. If you do me wrong, you’re dead to me.

R.I.P., Zaxbys.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Zaxbys @Zaxbys

Food Critic III: The Search for Calories @KITKAT #food #KitKat

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Here I go again.

Food critics are a weird thing. I hate mushrooms, so no matter how good you think a brand of mushrooms are, you can’t convince me to eat them. So what’s the point of food critics? What do they really offer us?

With that in mind, I’m going to review some more food for you. I’ve reviewed Pringles honey mustard chips and DiGiorno croissant crust pizza. Now I’m reviewing . . . .

My favorite dessert by far is key lime pie. When I saw these limited edition key lime pie Kit-Kats, I just knew I had to buy some. However, they’re tough to find, so my only option was EBay. This is the most I’ve ever spent on a candy bar, but it wasn’t too bad.

My verdict?

For a brief moment, I’m convinced my life was better than all of yours. Sadly, this is something you’ll have a hard time finding yourself. Get ’em while they still exist.


Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Kit Kat @KITKAT

I’m a Food Critic! Again! Digiorno’s Croissant Crust Pizza @Digiorno #food #pizza

If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

Here I go again. I once reviewed Pringles honey mustard chips. Now, something else caught my eye. I learned that Digiorno has a croissant crust pizza, so I took to social media to express my disgust and curiosity, which were at odds. As a cat person, I knew I was going to try it, so the next day, I bought a pizza and left it in my freezer. I was thinking, “When am I ever going to eat this? On the weekends, I’m on the carnivore diet, and during the week, I workout every day and want to eat within 20 minutes of working out, so I don’t wait until I get home to eat. I’m never going to eat this!” But then, one day later, boom! Snow day! Within 24 hours, I had my opportunity, and I took it.

That was a long set up. If you’re still with me, here’s the review.

First, I’m an exceptionally picky eater, which means to survive, I can’t be a snobby eater. That is, I can’t snub a hamburger because I prefer filet mignon. I have to forgive the quality of the food . (I also have to be able to eat the same thing repeatedly without getting sick of it, but that’s not relevant here.) With that in mind, I’m perfectly happy with a Digiorno pizza. Besides, so many of you claim that oily, floppy, soggy, flappy New York pizza is the best in the world, and that stuff sucks even to me. It’s not like any of you have any place criticizing me for being more than happy with Digiorno.

Now I’ve insulted half the crowd, most of whom are spammers anyway, but if you’re still with me, here’s the verdict.


It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just that it’s no different than their standard pizza, except that it’s got an even higher calorie count. Going forward, I think I’ll pass on that, but if you like Digiorno pizza, it’s as good as anything they make.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Digiorno @Digiorno