Back to Hulu I go, and this time I’m doing something really different. This is my first audio blog post, and I’m joined by my cousin, Kessel Junkie, who I give so much grief on this blog. This is our running commentary on a movie that’s certainly a guilty pleasure for both of us. No one else seems to like it, but we both love it.
Cue up the movie when instructed if you want to watch it with us. Kessel has clearly done his research on this movie, which is unsurprising considering 1) his love of the movie, and 2) the fact that he has a degree in theater. As a Star Trek nut that was raised on the theater (Arena Stage), I should be just as knowledgeable about this movie, but I’m lazy.
Just one note. There’s a point where Kessel Junkie changes the subject on me, and I don’t quite pick up on it, so we wind up talking past one another. I get his point. There’s an apparent canon violation between an episode of the Animated Series and this movie. Both have the Enterprise visiting a planet at or near the center of the galaxy. Fortunately, he’s wrong. The Enterprise was thrown into an alternate universe, so the fact that “God” wasn’t there isn’t a canon violation. Interestingly enough, “Lucien” was originally supposed to be God, but the network nixed that. Enough about that. Enjoy the listen.
Click here for the audio file. Note: This is just over two hours long, and if you pause it, note where you paused. Pausing it often requires you to refresh the page before continuing.
To date, the films I’ve watched in this series were on Hulu. Now I must jump to CBS All-Access for the Voyage Home. They went all in on trying to make this comedic without losing the importance of what makes Star Trek Star Trek. Whether they succeeded is for each of us to decide. Don’t ask my opinion; I’m a Star Trek apologist.
John Schuck played the Klingon ambassador. The first time I saw him was in a sitcom in the 70s, Holmes and Yoyo. He played a cop that was secretly an android. He occasionally malfunctioned, which was funny to a kid in elementary school but didn’t last long. If I recall correctly, it aired about a year after a show with the same premise started, only that show was a drama. Schuck has been a solid actor since 1969.
As I said before, I want to see V’Ger fight the whale probe. Both movies have the same basic premise. Human activity results in an alien probe coming to destroy the planet. Let’s see which of them
I always found it silly that cameras would make it appear as if a disabled ship was titling. Orientation is always relative to a reference point, and there’s no such point in deep space. But yeah, there are humans watching this movie, so I guess they must do that.
I think the pandemic has finally given me an understanding as to how Amanda Grayson must have felt living on Vulcan. I can’t hug, or even shake hands with, anyone. Neither could she.
I never liked time travel in movies. It always created stupid paradoxes. Avengers: Endgame did it right but raised the problem of multiple timelines that I also don’t like. It’s a burden to be me.
It took three seasons and four movies before we knew that Sulu was born in San Francisco. I’ve noted before that this is a good thing.
“It’s a miracle that these people got out of the 20th century.” Well, we did. Whether we can get out of the next century remains to be seen. I’m sure that’s a sentiment shared by every generation in every century.
“I’ll give you . . . $100.” “Is that a lot?”
To a high school kid in 1986, yes, but not now; not even to a kindergartner.
Just what is the future? / The things we’ve done and said? / Let’s just push the button / We’d be better off dead / ‘Cause I hate you / And I berate you / And I can’t wait to get to you / The sins of all the fathers / Being dumped on us, the sons / The only choice we’re given is / “How many megatons?” / And I eschew you / And I say screw you! / And I hope you’re blue too / We’re all bloody worthless. . .
I miss my boombox. Not really, though.
If he could mind meld with the Horta, he could mind meld with a humpback whale.
Spock’s the only one that can get the colorful metaphors right. Kirk’s so bad at it that he thinks Spock isn’t.
“I have a photographic memory. I see words.” This is probably the dumbest line in all of Star Trek, and that’s a high bar to clear.
I think there’s a script continuity error here. Spock agrees to Italian food but doesn’t go to dinner.
According to the novelization, Dr. Nichols, the one that’s given the formula for transparent aluminum by Scotty, is the one that supposedly discovered it in the Star Trek timeline. Temporal paradox resolved! “How do we know he didn’t invent the thing?” Paradox restored.
Poor Madeline. She did nothing wrong.
Now I want pizza.
Kirk seems confused. I guess they don’t have beer in the 23rd century. They have various forms of liquor, so maybe he simply doesn’t like it.
I don’t think two whales could repopulate the species.
My uncle, also an avid Star Trek fan, had recently served on the USS Saratoga when this movie came out. The Enterprise in the movie was the USS Forrestal, which is of the same type as the Saratoga. This gave my uncle a nerdgasm.
Kirk got the entire pizza that Gillian paid for. Smooth move, Captain.
“Of course, he’s a Ruskie, but he’s a retard or something.” Even a movie like this doesn’t age well. There’s always something that will send people into a frenzy.
There was a painted sign on the wall of the ship during Chekov’s escape. It said, “Escape route,” and had an arrow pointing the way. I shit you not.
Wouldn’t the cloak bleed over into anything nearby? It wouldn’t be a perfect cloak outlining the ship.
Finally, those lessons in miming paid off!
Wouldn’t it be funny if they just flew right into the sun? Everyone dies, Earth is destroyed, and we won’t have to deal with Star Trek: Insurrection. Everyone wins!
I know it’s not real, but I don’t see how the Klingon Bird of Prey could possibly be expected to float.
The scene where Kirk attempts to save the whales is the first scene where I started holding my breath while watching a movie. I wanted to see if I could do what they did. It’s an unfair test due to the scene jumps, but I try anyway. It’s safe to say that most of the time these scenes are bullshit, especially considering how much physical exertion is involved. The first time I was able to do it was recent: The second Kingsmen movie. For the first time, I came close on this one watching it this time. I still drowned though.
Again with the orientation thing. Why would the probe go vertical when speaking to the whales? There’s no vertical up there, and its communication can clearly reach anyplace in line-of-sight regardless of orientation.
Ironically, filming these scenes was probably tough on the whales.
So, now we’re left with a nagging question: What happens when George and Gracie die? That probe will do another U-Turn, and Picard’s going to have a bad day. They better figure out how to meaningfully duplicate the whale’s language.
Reading of the charges: Nichelle Nichols doesn’t seem to give a shit.
Mark Lenard was as good at playing a Vulcan as Leonard Nimoy was.
I mentioned something similar in the Star Trek III post. How the hell did they not know exactly what ship they were getting? How would you even hide the creation of the 1701-A? I know; I know. Drama.
The score is nonstandard for Star Trek, but I liked it. Kessel Junkie? Not so much.
Tune in tomorrow when Kessel Junkie joins me for my first audio blog, which discusses Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.That’s where the real fun begins.