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Almighty Thor (2011) is streaming on NBC’s new streaming service, Peacock TV. It was absolutely horrible, which is to be expected. It has Highlander 2 numbers over on Rotten Tomatoes, with an 8% from the audience and a didn’t-even-bother-to-watch from the critics. It also stars Richard Grieco and Kevin Nash. Never a good sign.

Last Friday, I said I was an apologist for mythology movies, which makes that hard to square with my hatred of this movie. Let’s hammer that out a bit. When I say, “apologist for mythology movies,” I mean that I tolerate poor writing and the liberties writers often take with the source material in the interests of drama. But this is more than just “taking liberties.” This is more like “taking names.” That is, it’s like taking names from Norse mythology and placing them on characters from a completely different story. I hate to say this, but the guy who played Baldr wasn’t nearly qualified to play a god of beauty. Of course, he wasn’t actually playing Baldr because there was absolutely nothing right about this movie. We would have all forgiven the complete destruction of Los Angeles, but they didn’t even get that right. (Yeah, I said “Los Angeles.”)

This reminds me of movies that use the intellectual property for past movies in order to guarantee legacy viewership, but wipe out the original stories altogether, thus pissing off that legacy fan base. I wouldn’t say I’m pissed me off here (maybe at myself for watching it), because no one harms me by making a movie that I didn’t have to pay to see, but it was really bad, from the acting to the sound to the visuals to the writing. The reviews highlighted on the movie’s Wikipedia page are funny.

My preferred pantheon is that of the Norsemen, but that didn’t save this movie. As always, YMMV. Well, not really. You’ll agree. This objectively sucked. F-. They should all be expelled from film school and banned from watching movies ever again.

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