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Toonify has an app that let’s you covert a photo of yourself into something resembling yourself as a Pixar character. Everyone is complaining about their toonified image, so I decided to give it a try. Here’s the starting point:

Well, this is what I got. Don’t let children look at it.

What am I? A hobbit on Venus? My cousin, Kessel Junkie, with microcephaly? At least now I have my hair back.

Okay, I know what your thinking. Between the glasses and the background, I broke the conversion algorithm. So, I tried this one.

Stable background, no glasses. What could go wrong? Look away while you still have the chance.

Okay, how about this one?

Here we have a white background and white shirt, and at a better resolution without that screwed up eyeball touchup. Third time’s the charm, right?

Now I’m a hobbit in a meat locker or some such shit. Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. Maybe I need to take a photo of me in a pretty bad place so that I’m bound to improve. I mean, artificial intelligence may be subject to reverse psychology just like we are. Here’s one when I weighed over 300 pounds.

Seriously? It may have well just linked me to Pearl from Blade.

Dammit! I shall not be denied. Maybe I can intimidate the algorithm.

This guy looks like he couldn’t beat up Napoleon Dynamite. I’m going to give this another shot.

This defies explanation, but that’s never stopped me from trying. This looks like the skin of a baby turned into a doll. They could write a horror movie out of this one.

Like Pinocchio, that doll became a real boy and then grew up. If anyone makes a horror movie about this character, I’ll sue for the rights.

I think it’s safe to say that none of your pictures are really that bad, and I couldn’t get one good picture from any of my photos, so I . . . win, I guess?

If yours is worse, you’re going to have to prove it. Until then, quit your bitching.

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Follow Kessel Junkie @kesseljunkie