Recently, I came across a site providing the 20 worst Star Wars quotes to shout out during sex. Well, this is the Internet, so that means I have only one choice: plagiarize! Here, then, are the 20 worst Star Trek: The Original Series quotes (or paraphrases) to shout out during sex according to me.

1. You’d make a splendid computer.
2. Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you or would you like to break some more furniture?
3. Human bonding rituals often involve a great deal of talking, and dancing, and crying.
4. This vessel…I give… she takes. She won’t permit me my life. I’ve got to live hers.
5.  [In a gravely, reptilian voice] Hsssssssss!
6. If you’re going to get nasty, I’m going to leave.
7. Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.
8. Sir, there’s a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
9. I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.
10. Another dream that failed. There’s nothing sadder.
11. We’re not here to conduct a field experiment in human biology.
12. There’s nothing disgusting about it. It’s just another life form, that’s all. You get used to those things.
13. Women are more easily and more deeply terrified, generating more sheer horror than the male of the species.
14. Too much of anything, … even love, isn’t necessarily a good thing.
15. Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
16. I’m trying to thank you, you pointy-eared hobgoblin!
17. You mustn’t stop me. You’re my lover, and I have to kill you.
18. I am incapable of destroying or interfering with the creation of that which I love so deeply– life in every form– from fetus to developed being.
19. Witch! Witch! They’ll burn ya!
20. I’m not Herbert.

Bonus quote for when you walk in on others having sex: You’re a traitor from a race of traitors. Disloyal to the core. Rotten! Like the rest of your subhuman race. And you’ve got the gall… to make love to that girl!

Now, Star Trek and Star Wars fans have yet another reason to be competitive with one another.

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Post script

I know, including Gaila from the latest Star Trek movie is cheating. It’s not an Original Series picture, and the fact that it’s from an alternate timeline involving the original crew is no excuse. I don’t care, and neither do you.