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For the start of the Next Generation movies, we return to CBS All Access for a couple films (with my usual Sunday distraction in between), bounce back to Hulu, and then end at CBS. I’m writing this on September 8, the day the new trailer for Star Trek: Discovery, season 3 dropped. I’m looking forward to some more new Star Trek, but here’s some more of the old to get me ready.

The Old (and Older) Crew

Even in slow motion, the champaign bottle took an awful long time to hit the ship. Without an atmosphere or severe gravity to alter its course, that at least makes sense.

Oh, it’s an Excelsior class ship! Of course!

Chekov and Scotty were originally supposed to be Spock and McCoy. Nimoy didn’t return (and allegedly turned down a chance to direct) because of script issues, and Kelley had health issues.

It wouldn’t be an Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm.

These silly callbacks — Sulu’s daughter, Chekov reminiscing about youth — are actually pretty good for an old timer like me.

The most important message to come away with from this movie is that the media never changes.

Captain Harriman seemed too green to be the captain of the Federation’s flagship. At least he knew he was out of his league and sought Kirk’s advice.

Did Guinan always dress in silly hats?

Kirk was the best captain . . . until Anson Mount became Captain Pike. I guess we’ll see if that holds up. Mount has some big shoes to fill, but he seems like he’s going to.

The New Crew

The fake indignation isn’t funny to me. We get it. You’re not actually angry at Worf. Oh, hardy-har-har-har.

I hope there aren’t any sharks in that holodeck ocean.

I always had a thing for Gates McFadden.

In response to my claim that the Shatner is a “so bad it’s great” actor from my Star Trek V audio blog post, Kessel Junkie wrote a retort defending the Shatner’s acting chops. Either way, even he must admit that Sir Patrick is a better technical actor than the Shatner. In fact, he may be the best actor ever to appear in Star Trek.

Finally, we see some Romulans in a Star Trek movie! Oh, crap. They’re dead. Never mind.

Why is Data’s emotion chip so different from how it appeared in the tv show? This drives every Star Trek fan nuts. Not only is it an inconsistency, but it’s an unnecessary one. It’s appearance in the TV show was more realistic, and there was nothing “neat” about its new appearance (as with the Klingons).

It’s too dark on this ship. I wish someone would turn on the damn lights.

I liked Data’s introduction to emotions. It was, at times, overacting, but that makes sense considering what was happening.

Whenever I see a character pretend to talk but not make a sound, I’m always reminded that the Screen Actors Guild contracts dictate that without lines, the actor receives far less pay. Star Trek did that a lot to save money.

The special effects on Data’s face were basically the same we saw with Bilbo Baggins when he tried to take back the ring from Frodo. And they were just as unnecessary.

Damn, Sir Patrick can act.

I’d always heard that some of the actors playing the main characters doubled as Klingons. That rumor probably came from the fact that some background roles were played by the main cast’s stunt doubles. This explains why, for example, one of the Klingons looks like Levar Burton.

If Geordi was unconscious before he was transported, how was he standing when he arrived on the transporter pad? If he was lying down when transported, why not arrive lying down?

Human females are so repulsive.

It seems like a small class G-12 Bird of Prey shouldn’t be able to wreak so much havoc on a Galaxy class ship that can take them out with one photon torpedo, but okay.

Yes!

Why would a force field have a hole in it like that?

That teddy bear won’t survive the warp core breach.

Closing that hatch by repeatedly pumping a mechanical arm seems like very old tech.

Yup. There goes the teddy bear.

Oh, shit!

Soran is a lousy shot, and an even worse tactician. Just shoot a bunch of times to make sure you don’t miss. It’s not like he’s going to run out of ammunition for his disruptor, and collateral damage isn’t an issue.

No seatbelts? They’re far too reliant on inertial dampeners that never seem to work when they’re needed.

Without an epee or foil, Picard is useless in a fight. That’s why Riker had to go on all of those away missions instead.

Well, this scene hits home. But who the hell dresses like that at home? And why is Picard still in his Starfleet uniform.

That kid’s too old for a toy like that. My fellow nerds may not like that statement, so let’s try this: That kid is at an age where he’d see that toy as beneath him.

Who has a carousel in his home?

So, if Picard leaves the Nexus and prevents Soran from ever entering the Nexus, what happens to the Soran that’s in the Nexus? That’s not an “echo” of Soran; it’s actually Soran. If this is another multiple universe thing, then Picard doesn’t exit to his own universe, so every movie that follows is in another universe as well.

All you guys who think Picard is a better captain than Kirk, note well that Kirk is Picard’s hero.

Stop trying to rush things, Picard. Time has no meaning here, dipshit.

It’s my house. Or at least it used to be. I sold it years ago.

Sold it for what? I thought they didn’t have money in Kirk’s time. Didn’t the director see Star Trek IV, or did he limit himself to the Trouble with Tribbles? I guess they’ll go back to having no money in the next film.

It’s a good thing that door opened into the stable. That could have been awkward.

This isn’t your bedroom.
No, it’s not. Better.
Better?!

I’m with Picard on this one.

I bought the Generations soundtrack almost immediately after I saw the film. I love Jumping the Ravine, and many other tracks.

Oh, great. We’re in an alternate universe.

They reshot this fight scene because Kirk’s death was deemed too cheap for the test audience.

Seriously, Picard can’t fight for shit.

Good luck, Captain.
Call me Jim.

Picard’s reaction reinforces my position that he’s starstruck.

Hooray! Alternate universe Soran is dead! So is prime universe Riker, along with the rest of the prime universe Enterprise crew. What a happy ending.

Kirk’s Death is another musical piece that captures the scene perfectly, but I would not have buried him on that planet. Kirk deserved better. Picard has lost all points I’ve previously given him.

In most cases (e.g., Tony Stark in the MCU), I don’t want a character to be resurrected because it cheapens the loss in the prior script. Kirk’s an exception. I’d love it if Shatner would reprise his role. It’ll never happen, though.

Someone’s going to have to clean up that mess of a shipwreck.

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

I’m so glad Spot survived.

And one last musical piece I love from the soundtrack: To Live Forever.

And to close it out, an Oberth and a Miranda class ship complete the bridge between the old and new Star Trek. Nice touch.

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