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Hephaestus got a bum deal. He was born ugly (not his fault), and for that he was cast out from Olympus by his mother, Hera. This disabled him. Or maybe the next casting out did. A lot of this depends on whom you ask.

Somehow, he made it back to Olympus, but despite always coming through for the gods via his skills as a blacksmith, this treatment continued. He was cast out again, this time by Zeus (who may have been his dad) after a family spat. He made it back a second time because some drunk hedonist named Dionysus snuck him in. Even Dionysus screwed him over, though, foiling his plans to teach Hera a lesson. As the archetype of the “middle child,” I can relate to all of this. I was always treated like crap despite being the only reliable member of the family. But hey, it was my fault for continuing to keep them in my life for the first forty years or so. Hephaestus should have cut ties as well.

However, Hephaestus ultimately had it better than I. He was put in an arranged marriage with Aphrodite in order to avoid a war among the other gods for her hand in marriage. I’m sure he liked this arrangement. Aphrodite has not returned my requests for comments on the matter, but her infidelity speaks volumes. In the end, she wasn’t much of an olive branch.

Yes, I used a hashtag including a Norse word in it. Norse gods >> Greek gods.

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