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And now we’re back to Hulu. I’m going to do my best to be kind to this one. It’s easily my least favorite Star Trek film, but like Iron Man 2 in the MCU, that still means it’s good enough.

Didn’t they already do this episode?

Data shouldn’t have lost control like this, but sometimes the writers don’t know how else to get the story started.

Does this personal cloaking technology, which we’ve never seen before despite its incredible usefulness, violate the treat with the Romulans?

It doesn’t seem like this medical procedure uses any anesthetics.

We know that Troi and Riker get married in the next movie. Is the basis of their rekindled relationship the effect of the Briar Patch? It certainly appears so (despite Worf’s later save).

Another excuse for Patrick Stewart to sing. 😐 Anyway, why should Worf, a Klingon, be expected to know who Gilbert and Sullivan are?

If the away team is going to draw phasers the moment you they arrive, why aren’t they drawn before they beam down?

Boom-chicka-wow-wow! Doc Ock wouldn’t be pleased with Picard honing in on his wife.

Admirals really like to hang up on people. Hold on. Do you kids even know what “hang up” means?

What I need I can’t get from Dr. Crusher.

Don’t be so sure, Riker.

Why does that caterpillar have humanoid eyes?

If she really couldn’t swim, she’d be dead already.

The Briar Patch gets Geordi new eyes and everyone else laid. Except Worf. He gets a pimple.

Apprenticing for 30 years seems tedious. Besides, nothing takes that long to become a professional. For example, it doesn’t matter how far engineering progresses, you still need no more than a four-year degree to reach the minimum level to be a professional.

In 300 years, you never learned how to swim.

Exactly my thought.

Boom-chicka-wow-wow!

We are betraying the principles on which the Federation was founded.

No, actually, you aren’t. As Admiral Dougherty points out, the Prime Directive doesn’t apply. Picard engages in some Captain America-level of naïve bullshit. If one person (Vision) is willing to sacrifice himself for trillions of lives, you let him. Same thing here. I don’t know exactly where the line is drawn, but trading the (unnatural) convenience of 600 for the health of billions is a fair trade, especially where the 600 settled on a world that was already Federation property. “But . . . but . . . but the kid and his caterpillar!” He’ll get over it, and so should you. Sure, the script turns the Son’a into murderers, but that’s so you can see them as the bad guys and justify some silly “principles.”

No, seriously. How the hell are you doing that? A time stop spell? It makes no sense.

I’ll be in engineering.

Why weren’t you there in the first place, Geordi. Haven’t you been chief engineer since season 2 of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Why are you at navigation?

If the ensign isn’t good enough to work navigation, he should be at navigation on the Federation’s flagship. The captain shouldn’t do everything. Maybe Riker would be a captain by now if he understood that.

And now he’s using a joystick to run the entire ship. Is there any doubt as to why this is my least favorite Star Trek movie?

So, the kid runs back to find his caterpillar thing, and not a single adult stops him?

Why would a medical chair have a locking mechanism on it? When I was younger, I was told to sit on my hands during a medical procedure, but that’s the only constraint I’ve ever had that I recall.

So, the Captain’s chair on a Son’a ship is a gaudy, 1970s couch?

Good trick to fool the Son’a.

But I have 318 days of shore leave coming, and I intend to use them.

With whom, Picard? Anij? Nella? Vash? Until we have resolution for any of these relationships, I’m assuming each one gets 106 days with him. Maybe 104. He probably needs some alone time on his vacation.

Wait a second. I don’t think Picard actually had sex with Anji. Bummer for him.

Damn, that was a weak entry in the series.

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