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I took a CLE this afternoon on the intersection of what we call artificial intelligence, and in particular ChatGPT, with the law. They mentioned that the engine flatly declined to do so, presumably because Carlin dealt in offensive material. I didn’t buy it, so I logged back on and asked it to, “Explain quantum mechanics in the style of George Carlin.”

The topic was just the first thing that popped into my head. The answer follows, and I have to say that it’s pretty spot on despite avoiding all profanity.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather ’round, ’cause I’m about to blow your minds with some quantum mechanics. Now, let me tell you, this stuff is like a crazy trip through the Twilight Zone. It’s the weird science that’ll make your brain do somersaults and leave you scratching your head, wondering what the hell just happened.

So, picture this: the world we live in, right? It’s all about cause and effect, right? You do something, and something happens as a result. Simple, right? Well, hold on to your hats, folks, ’cause quantum mechanics says, “Not so fast, buddy!”

In the quantum world, things don’t follow the normal rules. It’s like a wild party where everything goes topsy-turvy. You got particles that can be in two places at once, and they’re dancing around like they just don’t care. They’re like, “Hey, I’m here, and I’m there, and I’m everywhere!” It’s like they’ve got some sort of quantum GPS or something.

But wait, it gets even weirder. These particles, they can be connected in this funky way called entanglement. It’s like they’re doing some sort of quantum tango. You mess with one particle, and the other one, no matter how far away, feels it too. It’s like they’re having a long-distance relationship, but without the heartache. They’re all linked up, and it’s like they’re telepathically communicating. “Hey, buddy, I’m changing over here, so you better get ready for a change too!”

And then there’s this thing called superposition. Now, this ain’t about being super and posing for pictures, folks. It’s about particles being in multiple states at once. They’re like the ultimate multitaskers. They can be spinning up and spinning down at the same time, like they’re breakdancing or something. It’s like they’re saying, “I’m up, I’m down, I’m left, I’m right. You never know where you’ll find me!”

Now, I gotta warn you, this quantum stuff can mess with your head. It’s like trying to juggle a bunch of invisible bowling balls while riding a unicycle blindfolded. But hey, that’s what makes it so damn fascinating. It’s like a cosmic riddle that keeps us scratching our heads and reaching for the stars. So, next time you’re feeling all smug about how you’ve got this whole cause-and-effect thing figured out, just remember: the quantum world is waiting to throw you a curveball. It’s the ultimate reality show, and we’re all just trying to keep up with the mind-bending madness. Thank you, and may your quantum adventures be as wild as a George Carlin rant!

I asked a couple other questions, and it was consistently good. Somehow, it still stayed clean despite me asking for the origin of the word, “fuck,” in the same style, reusing the word and its variants only when backed into a corner. Go figure. Also of note, I asked it to explain string theory in the style of Bill Cosby, and it refused.

I read it in George Carlin’s voice, and so did you.

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