Food Critic III: The Search for Calories @KITKAT #food #KitKat

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Here I go again.

Food critics are a weird thing. I hate mushrooms, so no matter how good you think a brand of mushrooms are, you can’t convince me to eat them. So what’s the point of food critics? What do they really offer us?

With that in mind, I’m going to review some more food for you. I’ve reviewed Pringles honey mustard chips and DiGiorno croissant crust pizza. Now I’m reviewing . . . .

My favorite dessert by far is key lime pie. When I saw these limited edition key lime pie Kit-Kats, I just knew I had to buy some. However, they’re tough to find, so my only option was EBay. This is the most I’ve ever spent on a candy bar, but it wasn’t too bad.

My verdict?

For a brief moment, I’m convinced my life was better than all of yours. Sadly, this is something you’ll have a hard time finding yourself. Get ’em while they still exist.

Yum.

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Follow Kit Kat @KITKAT

I’m a Food Critic! Again! Digiorno’s Croissant Crust Pizza @Digiorno #food #pizza

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Here I go again. I once reviewed Pringles honey mustard chips. Now, something else caught my eye. I learned that Digiorno has a croissant crust pizza, so I took to social media to express my disgust and curiosity, which were at odds. As a cat person, I knew I was going to try it, so the next day, I bought a pizza and left it in my freezer. I was thinking, “When am I ever going to eat this? On the weekends, I’m on the carnivore diet, and during the week, I workout every day and want to eat within 20 minutes of working out, so I don’t wait until I get home to eat. I’m never going to eat this!” But then, one day later, boom! Snow day! Within 24 hours, I had my opportunity, and I took it.

That was a long set up. If you’re still with me, here’s the review.

First, I’m an exceptionally picky eater, which means to survive, I can’t be a snobby eater. That is, I can’t snub a hamburger because I prefer filet mignon. I have to forgive the quality of the food . (I also have to be able to eat the same thing repeatedly without getting sick of it, but that’s not relevant here.) With that in mind, I’m perfectly happy with a Digiorno pizza. Besides, so many of you claim that oily, floppy, soggy, flappy New York pizza is the best in the world, and that stuff sucks even to me. It’s not like any of you have any place criticizing me for being more than happy with Digiorno.

Now I’ve insulted half the crowd, most of whom are spammers anyway, but if you’re still with me, here’s the verdict.

Meh.

It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just that it’s no different than their standard pizza, except that it’s got an even higher calorie count. Going forward, I think I’ll pass on that, but if you like Digiorno pizza, it’s as good as anything they make.

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Follow Digiorno @Digiorno

Pizza Cooking Instructions Are Stupid #pizza

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Perhaps this belongs as a mere Facebook post, but Facebook is such a cesspool of people looking to jump on anyone with an opinion that I’m going to publish it here instead. Then link to it on Facebook. 😐

The instructions for cooking a pizza are stupid. The obvious target here is cooking times, but all cooking times on all foods are approximate. Ovens vary. No, I’m after something else.

Does anyone actually put the pizza directly on the rack as instructed? Who would do that? Who actually enjoys cleaning melted, burnt cheese from the inside of their oven? No one, so why even suggest it? I place pizza on tin foil or a baking sheet, and it comes out just fine. Is Easy-Off in bed with Big Pizza?

Yeah. This is Facebook fodder.

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I’m a Food Critic! Honey Mustard Pringles @RickandMorty @Pringles #food

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Pringles recently announced two new flavors based on characters from Rick and Morty. If you don’t know what Rick and Morty is, you have my sympathy. Anyhoo, joining the previously released Pickle Rick are Honey Mustard Morty and Look at Me! I’m Cheddar & Sour Cream.

Come again? Did you say “Honey Mustard Morty”? Other than Morty’s voice, what’s not to love? I love Pringles. I love honey mustard. As far as I was concerned, my diet was officially over (while supplies last). So, I did some research. The first thing I learned is that they already have honey mustard. Honey Mustard Morty is nothing more than Honey Mustard Pringles with a picture of Morty on the can.

I felt betrayed.

But hell, I was still asking, “What’s not to love about Honey Mustard Pringles?” I remained intrigued, so I kept digging. It turns out that they’re sold exclusively at Walmart, and the only Walmart near me that sells them was a bit out of the way. “Never mind,” I thought, until I noticed the nutritional content. Sugars? Less than 1g per serving, which is 16 freaking chips! Even on my strictest diet, I can have one serving of those per day, and I’m not on my strictest diet. Geez, even the salt content isn’t as bad as you’d expect (6% RDA per serving). On the flip side, the fundamental basis of almost all diets is caloric count, and each serving has 150 calories. This is certainly manageable, but you must be careful not to load up on them.

I decided to give them a shot. Today (actually, 9/15), I stopped by that Walmart and grabbed three tins. I thought it was a worthwhile investment. How bad could Pringles and honey mustard be? The verdict?

Meh.

From a sugar perspective, you get what you pay for, so they’re good, but I won’t be driving out of my way to get them again.

I really don’t like pickles.

By the way, that image could be the next blue dress/gold dress thing (it’s gold). That shirt and tie are clearly purple, with the tie particularly purple. I see this as a grey-blue.

As always, the real lesson here is the value of intellectual property.

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Follow Rick and Morty @RickandMorty
Follow Pringles @Pringles