Let's roll some dice, watch some movies, or generally just geek out. New posts at 6:30 pm ET but only if I have something to say. Menu at the top. gsllc@chirp.enworld.org on Mastodon and @gsllc on Twitter.
Today, I had my first car check up at 6,000 miles. Sounds boring, right? Well, . . . it is, but I have nothing else to write about today. I’ll keep it short.
I love my car, and Kia has been great the whole way through. Today was no different. All I needed was an oil change, tire rotation, and a few other small things. When I got there, they told me it’d be 1 hour and 45 minutes. That was quite a shock, so I requested a loaner so I could spend that time at the gym, and they managed to scrape one up for me.
They gave me a Kia Soul, and it was weird. First, it has a key. I already forgot car keys existed. I just push a button on my K-5, and vrooommmm!!! Then as I was driving, I noticed that . . . I was driving. “Why the hell is this car steering for me? Why isn’t it warning me that there are cars around me?” It’s a miracle that no one died, neither I nor anyone else near me. People can’t drive.
Figuring out how to work that radio was right out.
But hey, I really appreciated that they lent me a car. It allowed me to avoid almost two hours fiddling around with social media. And here’s my bill:
Sundays are now lazy days for me. Going forward, I’m just going to re-post other people’s work or just do something silly. Today it’s a diversion. I never post about politics or sports here or on my gsllc twitter stream, because many nerds have no time for sports, and I have no time for your incendiary hate. But there’s an exception to every rule. So today, I’d like to discuss abortion.
Kidding.
With my team out, I’m doing what I often do. I’m throwing in my hat for the former Terp, Stefon Diggs.
When he mattered most to me.
Now I’m just settling.
Go Bills!
I’ve been to Buffalo once for UFC 7 in 1995. I have no immediate plans to return.
Deadline is reporting that Chris Pine will star in the next Dungeons & Dragons movie. Unsurprisingly, I have an opinion on this.
Chris Pine is a good choice. The fact that he’s even in the mix means they’re willing to spend some money. Money talks, so that could be a good sign (though not necessarily). The prior D&D movies ranged from “sucks” to “low, B-level but tolerable if you’re already a fan.” I wouldn’t say any of them are good movies. This is, at least in part, the result of spending too little, but the source material certainly isn’t the problem. There have been too many movies (e.g., Lord of the Rings) and TV shows (e.g., Game of Thrones), some award-winning, that could easily have been considered “D&D movies” to think that the source material has a significant, inherent disadvantage.
In other words, it could be good, but . . .
Mechanics
I don’t know why everyone else doesn’t like them, but I can tell you one thing that annoys me, and it doesn’t bode well for any future movies. All three of the prior movies overtly made D&D mechanics part of the dialogue.
“I’ve prepared only two teleport spells today and have already used one of them.”
Yes, we know. You’re subject to Vancian magic. Don’t beat us over the head with it.
“Cool your barbarian’s Rage.”
But she gets only three a day! She needs to make the most of it!
“I need a frost sword.” “Heroic or paragon?”
Can you imagine people having this conversation even in a world of magic?
Dialogue like this stood out to me and annoyed the hell out of me. However, if you don’t have dialogue like this, in what way is the movie a “D&D movie”?
Campaign Setting Material
First, it’s got to be about the storylines and characters. In other words, it’s got to be about the campaign settings. Despite having the second one on DVD, it’s been a while since I saw any of those movies, but I don’t remember mentions of Elminster, Anauroch, or anything that was proprietary to a D&D setting. Perhaps they were mentioned in passing and I forgot, but making them the center of story would be critical to making this a “Dungeons & Dragons movie.” Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be enough.
The Monsters
Second, it’s got to have the right monsters. At this point, dragons are trite, which is problematic because it absolutely has to have an intelligent dragon in it. Fortunately, D&D offers a hell of a lot more than dragons. How about mind flayers? No, wait. Those really belong to Lovecraft. Orcs? Tolkien. Goblins? <yawn> What about beholders?
We don’t like to talk about this scene.
Do you see the problem? If you choose an iconic monster from D&D, either other writers have beaten you to the punch, a prior D&D movie has ridiculed it, or it was “borrowed” from elsewhere, opening it to criticism (both fair and unfair). You can certainly find some untouched creatures that are proprietary to D&D — the third movie did that — but will slaadi play well in Peoria? I doubt it. Any D&D movie will have to rehabilitate whatever monsters they choose to incorporate. Xanathar, to name just one, could certainly work for me as the BBEG for a trilogy, but as the test audiences in Blade told us, most people prefer a human villain. Note well that, for this movie to be a success, it must appeal to more than its sycophantic base; non-D&D players must be interested, so “most people” have to be the focus. But I’ll leave those details to the professional filmmakers who’ll have the benefit of market research.
Plus, We Suck: We Really Aren’t Sycophantic
You always want to grab the largest audience but must start with your base. To win the hearts of as much of your base as possible, you have to throw each of the subcultures a bone. The problem with that is that far too many of us are edition warriors. If you throw 4th edition lovers a bone, it will downright offend others. It doesn’t matter how much you give them; giving any love to 4th edition will be seen as a deal-breaker to some. There’s just far too much nerd rage. Lord of the Rings doesn’t have “versions,” so if you make a good LotR movie, the material itself won’t alienate many potential viewers. I don’t know how to avoid that with D&D.
Between a fractured base and a horrible history, I’m afraid that any D&D movie will devolve into low, B-movie status, and not necessarily “so bad it’s good.” And before you say, “What do you know about it, Rob? Are you an expert?” No, but I’ve seen every effort they’ve made to date. They were all below average. I also remember having a Twitter conversation with someone (@Bartoneus, I think) while we were both watching the premiere of the third movie. He gave up on the movie about 10 minutes in, and he wasn’t alone. History suggests I’m right. By all means, prove me wrong. Clear these hurdles and make a good movie for once.
I’m still glad they’re going to try. My fingers are crossed.
It’s strange I’m publishing this on Friday the 13th in 2020. 🙂 I’ve had a hard life in, let’s say, atypical ways. I rarely talk about this — the details are neither your business nor your burden — and I don’t intend to start now. In fact, as I write this, I’m struggling with whether I should even publish this vaguely written post, but a recent event made me think about it, and hit really hit home.
I went to a restaurant Tuesday night, and a greeter seated me. She politely asked me how things were going, and I instinctively answered, “Great! How are you?” I’ve said that before, but this time I actually meant it. Not being one to hide my emotions well, I think that came through. I don’t lie well. (Yeah, I know. Worst. Lawyer. Ever.)
After answering my follow up question, she pointedly asked me words to the effect of, “What’s so great about it?” I gave her a brief but direct answer. Having kept the poison out of my life (despite recent attempts to reinsert itself) I’ve been able to move forward with a relatively normal life, and actual happiness has covertly snuck up on me for the first time since 5th grade (no shit). At my age, it’s too late for me ever to “arrive,” but I’m clearly on the right path, approaching that place asymptotically. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. I hope I don’t screw it up. 🙂
And with that, I think I’m finally going to end my streak of posting daily. Instead, I’ll post when I have something specific to say. I’m no Cal Ripken, but 214 posts in as many days isn’t a bad run.
If you’re my friend in real life, note well that you’re absolutely part of the reason for this. You know who you are. Thank you.
The last time I had to buy a coat was 1999, and I don’t know what to do. I was living in Chicago, and some woman (it’s always a woman that makes me do stupid things that turn out to be brilliant) convinced me to go all in on two coats from Bloomingdales. I bought a casual, brown, leather coat ($600) and a long, black, Matrix-like coat that I can wear over a suit ($500). The black coat is still going strong after 21 years, and to be honest, the brown coat still works. It’s just that after 21 years, it’s finally beginning to look bad, and that’s despite never having taken it somewhere to get cleaned. Think about that. I did the typical “single guy” thing, yet one coat is only now “looking bad,” and the other is doing quite well.
But that shouldn’t be your first thought. It should be, “WTF?! You spent over $1,000 on coats!” Well, yeah, but they lasted over 20 years, and as I said, I don’t strictly need to buy new ones yet. If I button the brown coat in a Chicago winter, I sweat. I’ve never experienced such wonderful insulation, not even from a house. You get what you pay for. This raises a rather significant social issue about how it costs a lot of money to be poor. Not everyone can drop $1,100 on coats even though, in the long run, it makes sense. I’ve absolutely been there in my life, so I sympathize, but I don’t get into heavy-handed discussions on this blog, so I’m not going there.
The question on the table for this inept, single guy living in the DC area is this: Where should I go to buy a casual coat? I’m once again fortunate enough that, if necessary, I can favor substance over cost, and I need to buy only one coat. I want it to last. If I’m successful, I won’t have to buy another coat again (I’m old). So, where should I go?
Once I’m there, the salesperson can take care of me.
Two relevant things to know about me: 1) I grew up in a political-focused family and for a small time worked in politics professionally (big fish in a small pond); and 2) I rarely drink.
For me, Election Night is as exciting as the Super Bowl, so I bought a bottle of wine and have settled in to watch the excitement. No movies, no sports, no Man in the High Castle season 2; just the election. Last night was exciting despite a lack of resolution due to the absentee and mail-in ballots. I know that’s not how most of you think because of the consequences, but that added dimension is a lot of fun for me. Even better, I wound up on a couple of Zoom calls with some friends I haven’t see in a while.
Nerds
I estimate I got about 2 hours of sleep, but I was still energized for the day. It didn’t slow me down at all.
Sundays are now lazy days for me. Going forward, I’m just going to re-post other people’s work or just do something silly. Today is a public service announcement.
Play What You Want 