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Okay, not really. How can it be a gift if the receiver paid for it? Because I’m both, it’s just me buying shit.
But here it is!
It’s an overpriced tumbler (duh!) with ancient Egyptian imagery. As a mythology nut, I love imagery from ancient cultures, and this is some of the good stuff.
Doesn’t mean I can read it.
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Last month, the final season of the remarkably good Dead to Me was released on Netflix. I loved that show. The entire time I was watching Christina Applegate act her ass off, I was thinking, “This is Kelly Bundy?!?!”I honestly had no idea she could act like that, and she absolutely nailed it. The rest of the cast nailed it as well, and the writing was superb. It’s literally one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Seriously. Watch it. (Okay. YMMV.)
Returning to the Bundy family, for all you young-uns out there, Christina Applegate received her big break on a show that ran from 1987 to 1997 called Married with Children (“MwC“). The show centered on the Bundy family. If you look up “dysfunctional family” in the dictionary, you’ll find their family portrait.
So, today (12/15), I saw the following post hit my stream.
Feo’s reply — in particular, soulmates being a fantasy — made me think about a scene from MwC. The two-part episode was a parody of It’s a Wonderful Life. In the end, the guardian angel (played by the late Sam Kinnison) lamented that he had failed the patriarch, Al, by not only failing to show him how terrible his family would be without him, but actually showing him how much happier they’d be if he had died. In typical MwC fashion, the show turned that around on the viewer by having Al declare that he wanted to live anyway. The angel couldn’t believe it. Has asked why, and Al replied with something along the lines of, “They made me miserable. I don’t want them being happy.”
And that’s when the line is delivered. Al wants to make sure that he’s back in the real world, so he asks his son, Bud, “What’s more important: Love or money?”
Bud replies, “Money. You can always rent love.”
Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
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My office building management company has decorated for the holidays. Among the decorations are a Christmas Tree and wreath. He’s a close up of the wreat.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? I hope so. I soooooo want to steal that ornament and make a d[whatever] out of it.
Who says theft isn’t part of the Christmas spirit?
Everyone.
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Here’s another random memory that popped into my head. I’ve been skiing once. Way back in the 1990s, my cousin and I went up to Killington, Vermont. The word on the street was that Killington was the best skiing on the East Coast, though it didn’t compare to anything out west. How could it? I have no idea whether that’s true, but that’s what we heard, so we went up there. Mike had been skiing before, so after one run down the bunny slope, he told me, “You’re never going to learn unless you push yourself, so go to the next slope up right now.”
So, I moved over to the next most difficult slope, while Mike went to the harder ones. So, here’s the thing. I didn’t have a ton of disposable income, and I had never been skiing, so I just went in jeans, a University of Maryland sweatshirt, and a winter coat. I went down the slope and had a few spills but was none the worse for wear (other than it seeming a little colder). I did, however, get the sneaking suspicion that people were staring at me. I chalked it up to a paranoid fit and got back on the ski lift to make another run.
On my way up, I looked down and noticed that my jeans had split wide open around the crotch. This explained the staring as well as how chilly it suddenly got.
But wait! There’s more!
This was the 90s. Bill Clinton had declared on national TV that he was a briefs man, which caused sales of boxers to plummet. Moreover, society was becoming less conservative on the little things that didn’t really matter, so, well, the bottom line is that I was wearing bright red briefs. I might as well have had a neon sign on my head, but while everyone thought nothing of staring, no one bothered to mention it to me.
I was on the lift, so there was no turning back, so before I got to the top, I tied my jacket around my waist to cover the tear and skied down the slope. By then, I was getting the hang of it, but I had only one more pair of jeans, and I wasn’t going to risk them, nor was I going to pay for overpriced skiing outfits at the lodge. Mike caught up to me on a break and tried to get me to reconsider, but that was the end of my skiing. Possibly forever.
I’m an indoor kid (inside joke).
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I bet you didn’t see that coming.
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This is how it starts.
And this is how it ends.
Better get a bucket!
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A few years ago, David posted this stat block, which he recirculated recently.
Oddly, he received criticism for the stat block along the lines of, among other things, “wild turkeys can’t fly!” This is a stupid criticism because 1) dire turkeys are works of fiction in which magic may be involved, so they can be whatever the creator wants; and 2) even if you disregard #1, regardless of its biological cousins, even birds as large as an ostriches or cassowaries can’t fly because their just too damn big. Personally, I think my response (on Facebook) was the best he received.
If only Mr. Carlson had had access to this stat block in 1978….
But what would the holidays be without a little Star Trek thrown in?
It wouldn’t be a holiday at all, that’s what!
Happy Thanksgiving!
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I don’t like discussing politics (or any serious matters) on this blog, so I rarely do. That said, as I’ve told you before, Election Night is as exciting for me as the Super Bowl, so I’m going to discuss it today. All I’m going to say is this: Not matter who wins . . . .
. . . it’s not my fault what happens.
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On Tuesday of this week, I hinted at an interesting story pertaining to my visit to La Cruces, New Mexico.
I was visiting El Paso, Texas for — if you can believe it — the second of three times total. (Who wants to go to El Paso more than once?) At someone’s suggestion, we headed over to La Cruces for a bull riding event. It wasn’t a full rodeo. All of the competitions were bull riding. I didn’t expect to enjoy this show at all, but I’d absolutely see another one if it were ever convenient. Moreover, rodeo clowns are amazing. That’s not sarcasm. They’re remarkably good at what they do and save riders from serious bodily injury and/or death multiple times a night.
In an of itself, that would be interesting (though nothing to wake the kids over), but there’s more to this story. During the event, they held a customary game of “cowboy poker” or “suicide poker.” Everyone’s sitting around a table pretending to play poker, then they let the bull in. The last one remaining in their seat wins. The bull hung out for a few seconds. It appeared he wasn’t going to do anything. Suddenly, he charged the table. The one woman at the table was caught beneath him, and her life was saved not just by the rodeo clowns, but also by the other player who was “scalped” by the bull. Everyone survived. The scalped guy was on the radio later that week telling everyone that was complaining about the event to calm down. He knew the risks and accepted them. Whether he eventually changed his mind and sued, I don’t know. He really was a hero for jumping in and saving that woman. On the other hand, the two cowardly New Mexico University football players at the table bailed on her as quickly as they could.
The video of it made a bunch of “events gone horribly wrong” compilations over the years. Here’s an example video with a story on the event (embedding not permitted by YouTube due to age restrictions). It gets a little gory, so you may not want to watch.
Now, of course, you’re going to.
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A couple of weeks ago, a website tool started circulating social media. It produces a map of where you’ve lived, where you’ve stayed, where you’ve visited, etc. You can read the legend.
The question everyone asks is, “What’s the difference between stayed here and visited here?” My answer is that stayed here requires an overnight stay, whereas visited here requires that you went there to visit a particular place for the day, then returned home at the end of the day/evening. For example, I went to Wisconsin twice: Once for a day of paintball, and the second time to visit Lake Geneva, home of Dungeons & Dragons. When I was finished, I went home to Chicago. Likewise, I attended a bull riding competition in La Cruces, NM while visiting El Paso. Once the event was over, I went back to El Paso. The bull riding event was more entertaining than I expected, but there was an aspect to it that was even more interesting. That’s a story for another day.
For the record, stopped here means I stopped to use a rest area or eat, and passed here means I drove through without stopping. In no event am I including layovers at airports or flyovers on a commercial flight from one place to another. Otherwise, I could say that I passed here with one of the Dakotas, Wyoming and/or Montana, and Idaho when I flew between Minneapolis and Seattle. I don’t think that should add to my score.
I seem to have a higher score than most of my social media contacts, but the highest I’ve seen is 191. That guy’s been everywhere. My mission remains to stay (here) at the four purple places.
And for the record. . . .
Someone on Facebook asked me, “Why Germany but not Austria?” For the most part, I have no touristy reason for picking one country over the other. I’ve never been overseas. In fact, I’ve never been outside the continental United States except for Juarez (twice), Montreal, and Vancouver. My family tree has four distinct branches: German, Irish, Italian, and Scottish. All but the Italian portion has a nonnegligible amount of Dutch in it. Hence, I chose those five countries. I added Iceland because I hear it’s incredible.
What’s your score?
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