Let's roll some dice, watch some movies, or generally just geek out. New posts at 6:30 pm ET but only if I have something to say. Menu at the top. gsllc@chirp.enworld.org on Mastodon and @gsllc on Twitter.
Author: Frylock
Robert E. Bodine, Esq. is an attorney in Virginia focusing his practice on real estate and intellectual property law. He is one of the founding members of the Gamers’ Syndicate, a Washington, DC-based gaming club. He was the author of the Loremaster.org article series, Protection from Chaos, dealing with intellectual property law matters as they relate to the gaming industry, and has represented several game designers on intellectual property matters. You can follow him on Twitter @RobertEBodine for politics, @PropertyAtty for legal matters, @GSLLC for gaming matters, and if you’re a sports fan, @MMADork.
I wrote this post on January 31, 2023. I’m sure this is old news by now, but that’s not my fault. The fact that it’s been shared so much since the year started just establishes that you have poor comedic timing.
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Social media led me to an article entitled, Popular Movies That Aren’t Available to Stream Anywhere. Yes, I took the time to capitalize all the major words in that title because the Associated Press standard is stupid. Anyway, it’s an interesting list, and I’m sure you’ll sympathize with a lot of their choices. However, there’s one movie that isn’t on this list, probably because it isn’t that popular, but it’s one I wish I could find on a streaming service.
I Love You to Death
Movie poster with Kevin Kline in his white pajamas with a whole in his chest.
I Love You to Death was released in 1990. The “black comedy”, which was based on a true story, instantly became one of my favorite movies. The movie centers on an unfaithful husband, Joey, and his wife, Rosalie. When Rosalie discovers Joey has been cheating on her, she tries to kill him. For the record, the real “Rosalie” (Francis Toto of Allentown, Pennsylvania) spent four years in jail for attempted murder, but the couple is still married to this day.
The cast was incredible, led by Tracey Ullman, Kevin Kline (one of my favorite actors), Keanu Reeves (“Deliver us from freedom.”), the late William Hurt, and the late River Phoenix. Heather Graham and Phoebe Cates are also in it. As far as I know, it was Tracey Ullman’s only leading role in a motion picture. I could be wrong, but she did a great job in this one.
The trailer is here. You can buy or rent it here. I decided to buy it.
A random thought inspired this post, which will likely result in a series of posts. I asked myself which album was my favorite among those produced by the Cars. There are honestly only four candidates for me: The Cars (1978), Candy-O (1979), Shake It Up (1981), and Heartbeat City (1984). All of these albums are good, and all have multiple songs that received substantial airtime, but as near-and-dear to me as Shake It Up is, and as much commercial success as the singles of Heartbeat City enjoyed, I have to go with The Cars.
This album is nearly perfect. Only three songs on the album didn’t substantial airtime, and only one of them absolutely shouldn’t have. 😊 Consider the following data:
So, three of these new wave songs are released as singles, but I could hear six almost every time I went radio station surfing. Most of the songs on this album were all over my radio well into the 80s. I think Benjamin Orr gets the nod over Ric Ocasek as far as the songwriting goes, but this is still a solid album from top to bottom.
Of course, this is just an opinion, and everyone is free to form their own, but besides how I personally feel about the music, that data paints a picture of a good album in the eyes of the masses. It’s their only album that went 6x platinum (in the US), with even Heartbeat City (and Candy-O) trailing at 4x platinum. Moreover, most albums have several weak tracks, but this one has only one that I’d place in that category. Lastly, I’ll add that this album holds 5 positions in the list of the top 15 Cars songs, including #1, according to Billboard Magazine. Rolling Stone places 5 songs from The Cars on their top 17 “essential” list. Not that you should ever take the critics too seriously, but for only the second time, I’m on their side. The Cars takes my top spot for this band.
Timing is apparently not my strong suit. A few days ago, someone mentioned how much they loved the graveyard scene in the Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. Watch the scene here before it disappears.
I wasn’t as big a fan of the scene. Sure, it was funny, but it exemplifies the difference between legacy and modern gamers. Okay, I mean old people and young people. Whatever. As D&D players, we all want this movie to emulate the game, so our different approaches to the game affect our reactions to the movie or individual scenes. In the old days, failure was a thing in RPGs. If a magic user (that’s a wizard for the young’uns) wanted to learn a new spell, the player rolled percentile dice with a target number dependent on the character’s intelligence. If the roll failed, the wizard not only didn’t learn the spell, but could never learn it. Ever. That’s failure. The dice giveth, and the dice taketh away.
Nowadays, failure has fallen out of favor, granted to different degrees depending on the individual. Today, if a player were told that they could never learn the fireball spell, they’d be furious. If they couldn’t deduce a password from a riddle, it’s possible they’d quit your game. As I’ve discussed before (see the section, Another Example: The Puzzle Encounter), I once had players get angry at me because they couldn’t solve a puzzle trap, and as a result, the trap went off doing zero (0) points of damage to them.
Yeah, you read that right, but read it again if you don’t think you did.
Play whatever game you want — that’s the name of this blog — but I find this approach boring. I don’t try to solve easy sudoku puzzles; I go for the hard ones. I want the chance of failure because that’s how I improve. But even from a purely entertainment perspective, what’s the point of rolling the dice or even showing up to the game if you know the outcome? The players should instead tell the DM how they want the session to go, and the DM respond, “Sure, that’s what happened. Congratulations. You won D&D. Now get out of here and play some miniature golf or something.” Where’s the excitement in that? I really don’t get it, and it’s why I’m not involved in organized play anymore. Most tables just hand the players the victories.
This is not to say that I enjoy the notion of a character dying during character creation as in Traveler. There should be a chance of success, and the chances should tilt in favor of the players, but when the players don’t start enjoying my game until I remove all the challenge from it, I think the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction.
Nowadays, players don’t accept near enough failure in their games for them to be of interest to me, and the graveyard scene demonstrates this point. The point of the scene was to do something funny, and it succeeded, at least at first. I have no problem with that. However, after they failed, they simply tried again. And again. And again. The resource allowing them to speak with the dead was apparently unlimited, which means they couldn’t fail. Not only did that remove all consequences, and thus appear non-heroic, but it also detracted from the joke itself. Repeating a joke too many times is one way to ruin it. Why is the screw up funny if this is an unlimited trial-and-error.
The resource.
I would have written the scene in one of two alternative ways, and this is how my game would play out. First, they fail, so they have to be clever and come up with a different way to learn the information they need. Because this is a movie, that may not work. The movie could get really long, and no one really wants to watch a movie about people studying at a library. Second, they fail, but they get only one more bite at the apple. This time, they plan it out, come up with the five questions, assign one person to ask them, and everyone else shuts their annoying mouths (that’s another issue altogether).
That’s funny and heroic because the characters still had to rise to the occasion. But I really don’t think people want true heroes anymore, which is also demonstrated by this scene. They want to see idiots . . . .
. . . like him . . .
. . . win the day despite having none of the tools, including the personality and strength of character, to succeed. The only reason he succeeds is because the script says so. There’s nothing about him, even in a world of magic and monsters, that justifies his success logically. Even within that world, he’s a screw up, but he suddenly succeeds, because the screenwriters know that’s what the modern gamer wants to see, and they’re the foundation of the audience for this movie. After his success, he returns to being the same idiot that shouldn’t have succeeded in the first place. He didn’t improve; he was just handed success by the writers. This reminds me of another example.
None of us are perfect; some of us just can’t handle being reminded of that.
If you think being a lawyer is easy, which at this point you’re a dope if you do, I can assure you that it isn’t. Yesterday was an example of why it isn’t, and in a way that wasn’t obvious.
I’ve never played Mortal Kombat. Am I doing this right?
Here’s something to which many non-lawyers can relate. Is there any time period or specific event in your life that you never want to revisit? Yes? Okay, then imagine if someone started asking you about it, and really dug into the weeds, demanding details. Now imagine that you couldn’t respond to those questions with, “Fuck off. Mind you’re only business.” Instead, you had to answer those questions honestly and thoroughly, and if the questioner forgot to ask about a relevant topic, or if their phrasing allowed you to dodge it without lying, you’d have to volunteer the hidden information.
Yesterday, I had my character fitness interview. I’m joining the bar of an additional state, and that’s part of the application process. So, not only did I complete 185-page application (with attachments) detailing my entire life, but then I had to sit face-to-face with a complete stranger and discuss the ugly, deeply personal parts.
An Example
When I first got the call to schedule the appointment, I asked if I needed to bring anything, and my interviewer responded, “No, I have your bar application here, so I have your entire life in front of me.”
He wasn’t kidding, because bar applications are more detailed than any security clearance application I’ve ever completed. My response to that was a joke: “Well, you don’t have my medical records. Should I bring those?”
I admit, this isn’t a joke Bill Burr would tell, but it elicited a chuckle and an “of course not,” and that was that. However, my medical history came up in the interview. It was tangentially related to a topic we were discussing, and I must be honest and thorough in my responses. What should have remained a joke didn’t, and there’s nothing either of us could do about it. If it’s relevant, then he has an ethical responsibility to ask (even though he clearly didn’t want to), and I have an ethical responsibility to respond.
Believe it or not, that’s not the worst of it. That’s just the one example (from the single example of bar applications) that I’m willing to give you. The medical issue in question was a hernia, and I have no problem admitting to that publicly. But what if your medical issues were far more private? You wouldn’t be pleased discussing them with a stranger, would you? As I said, this is a brutal reality of practicing law. We’re under a constant microscope not only today, but yesterday, last year, and 1990. Everything is open to inspection. As the rise of the internet has shown us, no one is 100% clean. We’ve all got regrets, but those of attorneys are always on display even if capable of being hidden, and sometimes you can’t hide from the ensuing discussion despite the number of wounds it reopens.
On the bright side, I’m all but certain I’m going to be approved for membership. Mission accomplished.
A while back, I told you I was preparing for a return to 1st Edition AD&D, and to do so, I had to update my stash of 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons (“1e“) materials. Fast forward a couple of years. I’ve been running a 1e game for the first time in 40 years, and the only addition I had to make to my stash was the Egg of the Phoenix. Now, I’m less than 24 hours away from hosting a 4th Edition (“4e“) game (alternating DM duties with Luddite Vic), finally finishing my unfinished business, but I already have all the 4e stuff I could even need.
On a related note . . . .
Even though I can no longer stand 3rd Edition (“3e“), there were some books that were fantastic that I wish I had never sold. Serpentine Owl, who’ll be playing in the upcoming 4e game, gave me the reprint of Deities & Demigods (in perfect condition with the 3.5e conversion in the back); Erik (who left Twitter/X) gave me Hordes of the Abyss and Tyrants of the Nine Hells (both also in perfect condition); and then Jason (on Twitter/X but doesn’t appear to use it) gave me the Book of Vile Darkness (in pretty good condition). If I had gone through eBay, I would have paid almost as much for those four books as I did for all the 1e reprints I bought combined, but I got them all free.
If you click through the Book of Vile Darkness link, you won’t be able to view it without logging in and removing filters for adult content.
<gears turning>
So, after mulling it over, I realized, “The universe has provided so much in this regard, I think I can justify doing something stupid, especially something that isn’t too stupid.” I went to eBay and purchased the mediocre-at-best Book of Exalted Deeds just to have a match to the Book of Vile Darkness. I don’t know if I’ll ever use the material, but it’s nice to have that matched set, and I didn’t have to pay anywhere near USD$100 to get it. Now, I think my stash is complete, but who knows what I’ll be writing in a year?
Today is the 10th anniversary of a terrible crime of theft and my first and only entry in Urban Dictionary: Shitpossum. This requires some explanation.
I was at Erik’s house for the weekly, Friday-night game, and (for whatever reason) he was lamenting about how he was unable to add an entry to Urban Dictionary for a word he coined, shitpossum. I was curious as to why he was having a problem, so I visited the site and, well, one thing led to another, and I entered it in myself.
Classy, huh?
In fairness, I did come up with my own synonym, chickenshitter, but at some point that synonym disappeared from the entry. What’s up with that, Urban Dictionary? I have the usage quote for that one. “Hey, who’s in that stall? Why don’t you answer? Are you some sort of chickenshitter?”
My buddy, Vic, and I are getting ready to share dungeon master responsibilities on a new 4th Edition Dungeons & Dragons (“4e”) campaign set in a game world of our own creation. The subject of my Dungeon Crawl System (“DCS”) came up, and it had me thinking about a change I should have made to it back when people were playing 4een masse.
For context, the DCS is a method of 4e encounter design that speeds up 4e’s notoriously slow combats and eliminates the need for the so-called “15-minute adventuring day.” The PDF can be found here.
There are two things you need to know to understand the change. First, in the DCS, NPCs were granted a +10 environment bonus to initiative assuring they’d almost always go first, and when they didn’t, the result would feel remarkably satisfying for the players. Second, there was a flaw in 4e’s math that didn’t manifest for most games because epic-level play was relatively rare. NPCs didn’t keep pace with PCs, such that by the time you reached epic level, the PCs were walking through NPCs as if they weren’t even there.
This, of course, assumes that you built your epic encounters as instructed. Sly Flourish provided some excellent (and free) advice on how to design your encounters so that they could keep pace with the PCs’ power curve. The short answer was cheat. Pull out all sorts of terrain, traps, and other tricks. “Gone are the days where monsters out of the book could threaten PCs.” If you’re completely unfair, the end result will be a reasonable challenge for the PCs. The long answer provides far more precise science than that.
The fact that the NPCs couldn’t keep pace with the PCs detracted from the game as written, but it fit nicely with my DCS. To put a point on it, epic level 4e as written in the sourcebooks was the DCS. Build encounters as written, don’t allow short rests more often than every other encounter, and epic level was fast and furious and reasonably balanced.
The Change
Put another way, as the PCs approach epic level, there’s less of a need for the DCS. 4e itself slowly morphs into the DCS, so the DCS needs to slowly eliminate itself. There was one easy way to do that requiring an insignificant conceptual leap.
For the NPCs’ environment bonus to initiative, the bonus shouldn’t be a flat +10. Instead, use this formula: ((30-[PC level])/3)+1 always rounding down. In Excel, use column A to list the levels from 1 to 30, then populate column B with =MAXA((ROUNDDOWN((30-A#)/3,0)+1),0), where A# is a placeholder for cells A1, A2, A3, etc. In English, it’s this: For levels 1-3, the bonus is +10; levels 4-6, it’s +9; 7-0, it’s +8; etc. Each set of three continuous levels has the same bonus, and it’s one less than the previous (i.e., lower) set of three levels. For those who work best with charts, it’s this:
Level
Bonus
1-3
+10
4-6
+9
7-9
+8
10-12
+7
13-15
+6
16-18
+5
19-21
+4
22-24
+3
25-27
+2
28-30
+1
This creates enough of an improvement that no further tweaks are strictly necessary. So, as for the rest of the numbers, until you hear otherwise, use my system as written for levels 1-20, but when you hit 21st level, build encounters the way the Dungeon Master’s Guide instructs you. That’s probably precise enough because, if you’ve bought in to running the game, you’re already committed to the notion that you’re bound to tweak your encounters anyway. My system’s precision is close enough for dungeon master work, even at high paragon and epic.
I will definitely be using this system quite a bit when I running this campaign.