If you enjoy this post, please retweet it.

And now, something mean-spirited.

Yesterday, I asserted that confirming critical hits was the worst rule in the history of D&D. Why? Well, this is how I imagine the rule came to be.

Designer 1: “Do you know who I really hate?”
Designer 2: “Who?”
Designer 1: “Players.”
Designer 2: “Oh, no kidding. They’re the worst.”
Designer 1: “Well, I have a new idea for a rule that will completely screw them.”
Designer 2: “Ooooo, tell me! Tell me!”
Designer 1: “So, if you roll an unmodified (aka ‘natural’) 20, it’s considered a ‘critical hit’ that does something really cool.”
Designer 2: “Wait, how is that screwing them? You promised we’d be screwing them!”
Designer 1: “Hold on; hold on. I’m not done. So, the player rolls a natural 20, which itself is relatively rare, but in that relatively rare instance when they do, this happens:

Player: “Hooray! I get to do something cool!”
DM: “Um, no you don’t.”
Player: “What? I rolled a natural 20. That’s a critical hit. I get to do something cool.”
DM: “Um, no. Roll again.”
Player: “Why?”
DM: “Because if you want to do something cool, you have to earn it.”
Player: “I thought I just did.”
DM: “Yeah, that was good, but I need more. Roll again.”
Player: “Okay. I guess so. . . . I got a 7.”
DM: “Well, that misses, so your hit isn’t critical. Just roll normal damage and be happy I didn’t kill your character.”
Player: <grumbles knowing that every 3rd Edition D&D DM will do the same thing, so there’s no way out>

Designer 2: “Holy crap! That’s maddening! Players will be soooo frustrated.”
Designer 1: “And don’t forget, RPGs are balanced under the assumption that things like this will occasionally happen, so even when they get the critical hit, the mechanical benefit is illusory. This is just a way to dangle a carrot of being able to do cool things, then snatching it from them. It’s all about generating that frustration. Why? Because it’s what they deserve.”
Designer 2: “You are a god of game design!”
Designer 1:

Utter bullshit.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc
Follow Erik @Erik_Nowak
Follow Luddite Vic @Luddite_Vic

Dungeons & Dragons is a trademark of Wizards of the Coast, LLC, who neither contributed to nor endorsed the contents of this post. (Okay, jackasses?)