Perfect Albums

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This post is a bit convoluted because it’s dealing with two related topics that each deserve their own post, but I’m lazy, so you’re getting one that’s probably going to just as long as the two posts would be collectively if written separately.

Perhaps I’m not as clever as I think I am.

Topic One

About 5 years ago, I published a post about an apparent consensus among 80s music professionals that Boston’s first, and self-titled, album and Def Leppard’s Pyromania were perfect albums.

Topic Two

I love listening to entire albums at once. By doing so, you see where a band is in their current development as artists. Listen to more than one, and you see their evolution (for better or worse). Additionally, concept albums can be fascinating even in pure isolation. Finally, if you’re in the mood for Maiden, all you want to hear is Maiden (or whatever band is infecting your brain at the time. If you’re

The Convoluted Mess

As of late, I’ve been listening to entire albums on my commutes to and from work, inspired in no small part by several recent deaths of musicians that meant a lot to me. On my worst day, my commute is 25 minutes, so longer albums are spread among a few back and forths. I began to think about perfect albums. Boston and Pyromania may have been consensus “perfect” albums to a particular set of people at a particular point in time, but whether an album is “perfect” is obviously subjective. So, my list will differ from yours (perhaps drastically), but the theme will remain relevant. I should also add that the implied definition of “perfect album” is that 1) there were no bad songs, and 2) the album was ground-breaking or stupendous in its artistry. While that definition may make for some interesting discussions, I want to use a definition that has more practical value, and also opens up the door to a larger number of albums, thus encouraging even more of those interesting discussions. Nevertheless, the definition should still meet the commonly understood meaning of “perfect.”

An album is perfect if there isn’t a single song on the album that you want to skip when listening to the album, regardless of whether even a single one of those songs is what you consider “great.”

To help appreciate the subtle shift in new definition, my favorite Night Ranger album is Seven Wishes because in the aggregate, that album has their best collection of music, but it’s not a perfect album. I’ll skip a couple of songs on that album that I don’t like. On the other hand, I never have any desire to skip a single song on their Big Life album. Big Life is perfect by this definition, but it’s still not a desert island necessity. If given a choice between the two albums, I’ll take the imperfect Seven Wishes and spend my remaining days marooned on that desert island listening to only part of it.

I mentioned above that I may want to listen to an entire album simply to hear where a bad was at the time, but if I’m listening for nothing but pure entertainment value, I’ll skip through the stinkers.

This definition certainly opens up the door to more perfect albums, but it’s still a very high standard to meet. Many albums come very close, but if you think it through, they fall short. Perhaps the best example of that is True Blue by Madonna. Yesterday, I listened to that album (minus one song) for the second time in less than a week. It’s so good that I had to hear it again, but I never liked, La Isla Bonita. It just doesn’t do it for me. The same can be said for Madonna’s Like a Virgin. It has my favorite Madonna song, Material Girl, but I find myself skipping a few songs.

I just want to say why Material Girl is my favorite Madonna song. It’s a bouncy, ditzy, simplistic song with a horrible message. Though the music video shows that the message is being delivered sarcastically, it’s still just silly, bubble gum pop. But somehow, within that context, when that chorus kicks in, it drives. How does she pull that off? You have to respect that.

Sticking with 80s pop for a little while longer, I love the Outfield’s first album, Play Deep, but Nervous Alibi sounds like a song that they added to the end of the album just to make sure side one and side two were about the same length. Switching to some harder stuff but staying in the 80s, I feel the same way about Inside on Van Halen’s 5150. 5150 is one of my favorite 80s albums, but it ain’t perfect. Inside is boring, repetitive, and clearly a song for them, not me. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m going to skip it every time. My favorite Cars album is imperfect. Obviously, my favorite album of all time, Duke by Genesis, is perfect no matter the definition you use, but Genesis’s self-titled album from 1983 falls short for the opposite reason as Play Deep and 5150: it’s first song, Mama. Though very popular even among merely casual Genesis fans, I never liked it. Every other song on that album receives my full attention, but it’s not perfect.

It seems almost unfair.

Bands with Multiple Perfect Albums

Not many artists have perfect albums, and even fewer have multiple perfect albums. Being that Rush and Fleetwood Mac (with Stevie and Lindsey) are my favorite bands of all time, they obviously have several perfect albums. In fact, it’d take far less time to tell you which of their albums are not perfect, so let’s skip them. There are a couple of artists that are high on my list of favorite bands, and they fall into this category. I think that Iron Maiden’s Number of the Beast, Powerslave, and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son are perfect. Piece of Mind and Senjutsu are close, but no cigar.

Ozzy has two: Blizzard of Oz and The Ultimate Sin. As with Play Deep and 5150, many albums fall short of perfect because of the last song on the album. In sharp contrast, The Ultimate Sin ends powerfully with Shot in the Dark. It’s almost daring you to call it imperfect, then says, “Sike!”

No More Tears is oh so close, but it’s ultimately imperfect.

Supertramp’s Breakfast in America is perfect. Billy Joel’s Glass Houses and Yes’s 90125 are perfect, though not their best albums overall. Jefferson Airplane/Starship is one of my favorite bands, but they don’t have a perfect album, and that bugs me. I feel like I failed them.

Overall, I have a small amount of fun revisiting albums with this question in mind. Maybe you will too.

Or not, losers.

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Ozzy Osbourne, Music, and Overreaction #PMRC #music #law #suicide #Ozzy #80s cc: @OzzyOsbourne

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I recently came across an article about 10 songs that wouldn’t work in today’s social climate. Sure, I’m kind of old (56), so for the most part, those songs didn’t bother me, but culture revolves around the young, so my opinions don’t matter. However, I never understood the stupidity of the objections to one song in particular that appeared in the article: Suicide Solution by Ozzy Osbourne.

I post this with no fear any of you will kill yourselves after listening.

Ozzy was famously sued for causing the suicide of one of his fans by releasing the song. (That was the dumbest sentence I’ve ever written.) The article seemed apologetic to those from the 80s and today who objected to the release of the song. The idea is that Ozzy is trying to advertise suicide as the solution to your problems. Moreover, there’s a part of the song where Ozzy stutters over the word suicide, saying, “Su, su, su . . . .” I remember the attorney representing the plaintiffs saying that it sounded too close to “Shoot, shoot, shoot,” which, of course, is how the fan committed suicide. Ozzy fought back saying that the song was about the dangers of alcoholism, which is a sort of slow suicide by way of the chemical solution of alcohol. (I know there’s some disagreement on whether alcoholic beverages are “solutions” or “mixtures,” but that’s not a concern of this post.)

So, who’s right? (I am right.) Well, form your own opinion. (Your opinion will be stupid unless you admit I am right.) Here’s the opening lyric to the song.

Wine is fine, but whiskey’s quicker.
Suicide is slow with liquor.

Do I really need to post the rest of the lyrics for you to understand what this song is about? Well, just in case . . . .

Take a bottle, drown your sorrows.
Then it floods away tomorrows.
. . .
Now you live inside a bottle.
The reaper’s traveling at full throttle.

Seriously, may I stop? While the other lyrics can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, they should be interpreted within the context of what you just read. Clearly, this song is about the dangers of alcohol excess. It’s actually a fucking public service announcement, but because a couple of parents couldn’t accept that the life they provided their child with a life he felt wasn’t worth living, they needed a scapegoat. That’s some serious cognitive dissonance, but their personal failings carried potential consequences for society at large, and ideas like this still swirl around in people’s insecure brains.

Of course, there could be even more to this argument. Suicide requires a complex combination of circumstances and emotions. No song could be causally linked to a suicide. Free fucking speech. But none of that should matter because the song itself is telling you not to commit suicide through irresponsible alcohol use. Ozzy knew something about this, as a fellow musician he knew had recently drank himself to death (so to speak). This song was absolutely the wrong target to attack.

I’m probably preaching to the choir among my few readers, but apparently there are still plenty of people who cling to this incredibly stupid position. Even my YouTube search warned me about what’s coming.

I don’t mind the phone number going viral, but I really don’t need the warning at the very bottom. Duh.

It’s worth reminding society of this.

If anyone’s even reading.

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While we’re on the subject, here are the most important lyrics Rush ever wrote.