Birthday Epilogue #aging #happybirthday #birthday #office

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Because I was out of the office on my birthday taking a “continuing legal education” course, most of my coworkers didn’t get to celebrate it. So, they decided to decorate my office, which I saw today.

The first thing I noticed was my wall.

That seems normal enough. The window did as well.

Soon thereafter, as I gazed across the room, I found myself asking, “What the shit?!”

Are my coworkers in love with me?

That Post-It note is literally an apology from our receptionist for how over the top the decorations were.

Wait a second. Why all the pink?

For this next one, here’s some context. Everyone has a nameplate that I designed a couple of years ago. We printed them in black and white, so it’s black lettering and imagery on a white background. Recently, I changed mine to white lettering on a black background. It’s looks awesome, and everyone was jealous (even though I copied it from a coworker that sits at the end of the office where no one sees her nameplate). It’s sort of like going from Adam West’s Batman to Christian Bale’s Batman. Well, Patricia apparently asked, “Why don’t we screw with Rob’s nameplate. He thinks it’s great, so let’s ruin it.” (Seriously, she admitted to it.)

What the shit?

Now, anyone that knows me knows I’m not what’s commonly referred to as an alpha male. I’m kind of an asshole, so sure, I have some similarities, but I’m no alpha male as that term is commonly defined. So, why am I an “alpha attorney”? And even if I am, why is there a Hello, Kitty image beneath it. Someone’s confused (besides me).

Of course, I’m not angry. Despite recent societal trends, I remain focused on people’s intent, and in this case that was trying to be funny and nice. Why would I be angry about anything they did or might do? Still . . . .

What the shit?!

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Birthday #aging #happybirthday #birthday #cake

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Here’s something I haven’t done since the late 90s: Baked a cake.

The top layer is French vanilla, the bottom layer is triple chocolate fudge, and the icing is milk chocolate icing. I even did the same thing with a few cupcakes I was able to make with leftover batter. Surprisingly, the layers came out well in the cupcakes.

There might be a cupcake missing.

I don’t really celebrate my birthday, but I knew I’d have to break my diet today anyway, so I went all in. I think is shows how long it’s been since I did this . . .

. . . but it tastes as good as anyone else’s.

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International Haiku Day #haiku #holiday #Japan #poet

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post, please retweet it on this
most wonderful day.

It is Haiku Day
on all April seventeenths;
this is how I’ll talk.

All day on this day
on social media this
is what I will do.

Ev’ry sentence will
be seventeen syllables
long to honor it.

Yes, I will use po-
etic license to assure
my true compliance.

Expect grammati-
cal nonsense that doesn’t real-
ly make any sense.

Broken words, abbre-
viations, and contractions
are the norm today.

While this may get old
very quickly, I am com-
mitted to this path.

All sentences must
be seventeen syllables
long on Haiku Day.

Haikus are a fascinating form of poetry from old Japan.

Follow me on Twitter @gsllc if you would like to.

The Ides Have It! #IdesOfMarch #holiday

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This day in history . . . .

Today we remember the assassination of Julius Caesar. There were 60 people involved in the plot to kill him. He was stabbed only 23 times, 18 of those delivered after he was dead. One of the remaining 5 was only a scratch.

Sixty people agreed to do something together. Five people actually did the project, and one of those ultimately contributed nothing. Eighteen other people tried to get credit after it was finished. Thirty-seven people did absolutely nothing.

This sums every group project ever.

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Walkers Sucks! @walkers_crisps #ripoff #stupid #contest #Walkers

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Here are stories about two different people who were ripped off.

TL;DR: Walkers makes potato crisps. They had a promotion where you could win a prize if you found a heart-shaped crisp in one of their bags. Everyone is supposed to carefully eat their crisps, pick out the heart-shaped ones, and one person with the best-shaped one would win the prize.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “They’re ‘chips,’ not ‘crisps’! And it’s called, ‘soccer’!” Yes, I know the Brits should all be blasted into space for all their egregious mangling of our language, but that’s not my current concern. These stories are probably not the only ones. This has probably happened to quite a few people, and even more that don’t realize they ate one. This was predictable, leading me to speculate they were hoping everyone would screw up and eat the heart-shaped chips so that Walkers never had to pay out the £100,000 ($120,183.50).

No, the chips don’t weigh 100,000 lbs. It’s just more English nonsense.

I, for one, would be pissed off if this happened to me. I could do a lot with that money.

Walkers should pay me $120,183.50 for this advertisement.

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Follow Walkers Crisps @walkers_crisps

Well, That Settles It! @TerribleMaps #election #voting #politics

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Terrible Maps has answered two age-old questions that everyone has been asking.

Here’s something funny: My own post won’t show up in this Twitter account’s feed because I filter out anything related to politics.

Nothing serious here!

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Follow Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps

Time Flies #aging #history #time

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This image came up in my Facebook stream.

Damn, that pisses me off. Well, here are some other things that piss me off.

  • Slumdog Millionaire‘s Oscar win (2009) is as far away from today as the Oklahoma City bombing and O.J. Simpson’s not guilty verdict (1995).
  • The cloning of Dolly the Sheep (1997) is as far away from today as the premiere of All in the Family and the 26th Amendment lowering the voting age to 18 (1971).
  • George Bush 43’s ultimatum to Saddam Hussein (1991) is as far away from today as Alaska’s and Hawaii’s admissions as states (1959).
  • The USA Olympic hockey team’s Miracle on Ice (1980) is as far away from today as Amelia Earhart’s disappearance and the delivery of the first B-17 bombers to the US Army Air Corps (1937).
  • My birth (1968) is as far away from today as the US Coast Guard’s status as “military and Detroit’s first stop sign (1915).

I’m old.

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The Enūma Eliš #MythologyMonday #MythologyMonandæg #folklore #god #love @mythsexplained

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YouTube suggested this video on Tiamat by Mythology & Fiction Explained.

This video got me thinking (always dangerous). Decades of Dungeons & Dragons lore (whether playing or not) led me to thinking Tiamat was a purely evil creature.

I found it funny that one of her heads appears to be smiling.

I had forgotten that things aren’t so simple with her. So, I decided to re-read the Enūma Eliš. You can find one translation of it here. Considering how relatively little we have to work with, it remains the best look into the minds of Sumerian culture, and it paints a more complex picture of Tiamat. You have to remember that ancient cultures held very different ideas about right and wrong, so someone we’d consider evil can be responsible for very important things, some of which were quite generous or otherwise “good.”

This is my nerdly obsession.

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Follow Mythology & Fiction Explained @mythsexplained

Dungeons & Dragons is a trademark of Wizards of the Coast, LLC, who neither contributed to nor endorsed the contents of this post. (Okay, jackasses?)